Money, money, money

There are a lot of rising new stars in the Democratic party. While the press seems to focus on a few, who have a nose for the camera, my money is on this one - Katie Porter.

Harvard Law School graduate and professor, she is the first democratic woman to be elected in California's 45th district. A notoriously conservative district that is home to the Red Hat Brigade and every fast food restaurant chain known to mankind.

Last week, Ms. Porter took Jamie Dimon, the slimy CEO of JP Morgan to Bone Town. Dimon, who should have been thrown in jail for the 2008 recession he and his cashmere wallet bankers foisted upon us, is one unctuous motherfucker.

With TV cameras rolling, Ms. Porter brought up the case of an entry level worker at the JP Morgan bank. That worker is paid a paltry $16.50 an hour. I seem to remember a time when Fortune 500 workers were paid salaries and didn't have to punch a clock. Then again, at 44, I'm old.

That entry level worker's salary works out to $35, 070 a year. Not a lot to live on. Particularly after food, rent, car, health, utilities, child care and one ply toilet paper. In fact, that worker finds herself $567 in the hole every month because of the shortcomings.

Ms. Porter calmly asked Mr. Dimon if had any solutions to this problem. He did not.

Really? Because last week, JP Morgan reportedly added 3.7 BILLION dollars of profit to their bottom line thanks to the Shitgibbon Middle Class Tax Cuts. I'll let you Google their total profits for 2018, but make sure you have a fibrillater nearby.

If you took that additional $3.7 billion profit and divied it up to each and every one of the 256,000 employees that make up JP Morgan well...

$3,700,000,000 windfall /256,000 employees = $14,453.12 per employee.

I gotta believe $14K that would make a difference in the life of an employee making $35,000 a year. Wouldn't you Mr. Dimon?

Math is hard.

I wish Congresswoman Porter had gone the extra step and looked at his finances.

Jamie Dimon makes $31 million dollars a year. That's just salary and doesn't include all the goodies rich bastards like him take home every fucking day. If you were to do an apples to apples comparison:

$31,000,000/ 2000 hours (40 hours a week X 50 weeks) = $15, 500/hr.

In other words, in less than 3 hours, Mr. Dimon makes as much as the entry level worker earns in a year! Let's look at how those three  hours play out.

9:20 AM -- Dimon arrives at JP Morgan headquarters. Would've arrived earlier but the limo got caught in Midtown Manhattan traffic when it almost hit a homeless encampment.

9:35 AM -- Executive Assistant brings Dimon his iced coffee and blueberry/cinammon bagel (yuck) Jamie yells at her because there aren't enough blueberries in his bagel.

9:45 AM - 10:15 AM -- Dimon inquires about his new Phillipe Stark designed 400 foot yacht with its own onboard volcano.

10:30 AM -- Dimon retreats to his Executive Bathroom and applies a generous slathering of Just For Men Touch of Grey with the QuickFix™ applicator to his carefully coiffed head of hair.

11:00 AM -- Dimon notices his iPhone needs recharging. He plugs it into the USB port. Then plays Angry Birds for the next 60 minutes.

Lunch

And that's how it is this fine April 16th, the day after we've all submitted our taxes, in Captain Fuckknuckle's America. 

The rich get richer.

And the poor get shabby, red, machine-stamped golf caps while being force fed the half-assed notion that one day with enough grit, determination and sweat equity one day they too will be enjoying champagne wishes and caviar dreams.