A Man Needs a Maid

Back in the mid 70's, the 1970's, I was not in possession of any disposable income. 

Every dime I managed to earn doing the world's shittiest jobs (excluding copywriter) went towards the exorbitant tuition at Syracuse University. Mind you, I could have gone to the embarassingly more affordable SUNY campus in Buffalo. But my father wanted me to go to Syracuse.

He just didn't want to pay for it. 

I suppose in hindsight I should be thankful that he threw these mammoth financial obstacles in my way as that adversity taught me the value of making wise monetary decisions. 

Nevertheless, I walked around campus with $1.38 in my pocket. At best. Hence I did not have many belongings. Also, hence my record collection was exceedingly limited. Hence again, each record was played until the needle carved a hole through the vinyl. 

Including the seminal Neil Young album, Harvest.

With the exception of the hard hitting Alabama, one could hardly argue this was a rock and roll album. Furthermore, as a stupid and perpetually stoned college student, the lyrics never made much sense to me. Only in retrospect can I appreciate the subtext Mr. Young was getting at.

One song in particular has been ringing in my head lately, the self-explanatory "A Man Needs A Maid."

My life is changing in so many ways
I don't know who to trust anymore
There's a shadow running through my days
Like a beggar going from door to door

I was thinking that maybe I'd get a maid
Find a place nearby for her to stay
Just someone to keep my house clean
Fix my meals and go away

A maid
A man needs a maid
A maid

Oh brother do I need a maid.

I had hired the mother/daughter team who cleaned the house across the street from me. But they constantly flaked out on their scheduled appearances. And when they did show up to clean the house, they did more yakking and laughing than they did cleaning.

As my friend put it so aptly, "They're like the Mow, Blow and Go guys for your house."

I don't need a flimsy once-over on the house. I need someone to scrub the aged hardwood floors. Someone to keep the baseboards, mine have 3/4 inch ledges (naturally), from collecting dust. I need someone to shadow me throughout the day with a spray bottle of 409 and a cleaning cloth to wipe up after my every move, whether it's making a fresh batch of chimichurri sauce or defiling the porcelain with my hourly trips to the bathroom.

This man needs a maid. 

Or a butler.

And unlike the 1970's, I have the money to pay for it.  

Send help. No, literally, send Help. I need phone numbers for cleaning people near Culver City. 

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Here's Neil, wailing about my domestic woes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOuQywiRUJo