The Widower's Guide to Widowing

I come to this new life as a widower completely unprepared. 

My family is incredibly small. Other than the relatives on my mom's side who are still in Scotland, many of whom I've never even met, but not for lack of trying. 

I had a gay uncle who never got married or had children. A mentally challenged uncle who could, on his best days, barely function. 

And I had my father, who left the planet at age 57, way too early.

I do have past colleagues and friends from high school who have taken this journey and their perspectives on the difficult navigation have been so helpful. Moreover, so appreciated. Particularly because of the time they have given to guide me during this difficult year.

Suffice it to say, when it comes to widowing I have had no role models. 

Poor segue approaching.

One of the things I've learned in the corporate world is that sometimes the best answer to a question is, "I don't know." It's authentic, honest and carries with it some type of unspoken confidence. Last week one of my daughters asked me a question. And my answer was...

"...I don't know. I've never been a widow before. I'm still figuring this thing out."

I can't help be reminded of a TV spot we did for ABC in another lifetime.

You can see it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fWFnD16MGE

It's not just the interpersonal stuff and the ever changing dynamics of my family. That stuff is easy compared to the little household annoyances that leave me stumped every day.

For instance:

* After cooking up some bacon in the frying pan, what do I do with leftover grease? Does it go down the garbage disposal? Or can I use as fertilizer for my garden? Do I put it in a tub and use as lard or for when making my own homemade schmaltz?

* There's a closet full of linens and table cloths that haven't left the closet since 1993. For all I know, they might have been left here from the old lady who owned the house before us. Should I toss them and turn the closet into storage space for my dumbells and kettlebells and old advertising awards?

and finally...

* I alluded to this in last week's post about my new Sit N'Sleep King Mattress, but bedding, linens, duvets and pillow shams are like the Gordian Knot for clueless men, like myself. I seem to recall Deb telling me the duvet cover (what happened to good old blankets?) had to be washed every 2-3 weeks. 

With Lucy, my dog, now sleeping in the bed every night, and waking me up with her loud doggie nightmares and twitching, I like to wash it a little more often. The washing is the easy part. Getting the down-filled cover back into the duvet is best not performed by amateurs.

Imagine putting a 7 foot wide X 8 foot long cover on a pillow. By yourself. And with no idea how to manage to get the thing jammed into all four corners. When I get done with it, all the down stuff is crammed into big pile in the middle, it's like sleeping under a mammoth laundry bag.

Someone could write a very funny book Widowing 101: "No, You're Doing It All Wrong."