Fuck AT&T

At the risk of sounding like the Get Off My Lawn guy that I am quickly becoming, watching TV was so much simpler than it is today. And considerably less expensive. My monthly TV bills are almost as high as my monthly expenditure on books about the failed Trump Regime.

I'm tempted to cut the cable that runs from the ugly satellite dish parked on my roof and snakes its way down the side of my house that no one can see, but the truth is I'm not a "streaming" guy. As my nocturnal trips to the bathroom can attest.

I like to work an old school remote control. Channel Up. Channel Down. And presets for NFL football, ESPN, CNN, MSNBC and Fox News, you know to see the latest in ignorance and fall fascism.

Lately, the DVR in my office has been on the blink. The picture is freezing and pixelating. Which is no way to watch the NY Jets stumble down the field and snatch humiliating defeat from the jaws of just a regular defeat.

After 3 hours of phone trees and corporate non-customer service I was finally able to talk to an AT&T representative (Assholes Tried & True), who spoke English in the same broken fashion of my DirecTV. After an unbearable series of "excuse me", "can you repeat that" and "I'm sorry I didn't catch that", she said the technician would arrive between 12-4.

Naturally he showed up at 4. 

Also naturally, before I let him into my house I asked if he was vaccinated. 

And, as Siegel fortune goes, he was not. 

My triple vaccinated wife was upstairs. My double-vaxxed daughters were working in the backyard patio. And my office is just off the front door. Plus, the Giants were playing the Washington Football Team  (really?) that night, so I took a chance and let him swap out my DVR for one that actually works. 

Later, I decided to brave the corporate phone mishigas and go all Don Quixote on AT&T's ass. That's when I ran into Miranda...

"I'm sorry you had an unpleasant experience. We use third party contractors for service calls. And cannot enforce our corporate policies on them. The good news Mr. Siegel is that you are covered by the AT&T equipment protection plan and the new DVR comes to you at no additional cost."

"The Equipment Protection Plan? Am I paying for that?"

"Yes, but I'm going to waive this month's fee for your inconvenience."

So I'm paying an outrageous monthly fee to rent AT&T's equipment. Then I'm paying another outrageous monthly fee to pump in shows like "Say Yes to the Dress" and "Backwoods Bargain Cabins For Sale." AND, I'm paying another outrageous monthly fee to insure the shitty equipment that electronically recreates the shitty programming that I don't even watch. 

In the words of Yaakov Smirnov, "America, what a country."