Home, sweet home

I just sent in my voting ballot this week. In fact, I've already received electronic notification that my mail- in ballot has already been tallied. In other words, election integrity.

I love mail-in voting and frankly don't understand what the fuss is all about. I suspect if Republicans adapted to mail-in voting and started winning elections, they'd have no problem with it either. They only whine when they don't win.

The big issue in my little corner of the Earth concerns Single Family Residents and the current zoning laws. 

Some sage-burning do-gooders think R1 zoning is a remnant of a racist, elitist past. Really? At the time, Deb and I were just looking for an affordable home on the west side of Los Angeles. Also it should be noted, there's an African American family across the street from me. As well a young Asian American multi-generational family. And on either side of my house there's Jorge #1 and Jorge #2.

In fact, these Fauxtopiasts believe that by eliminating all zoning ordinances they can solve the current homeless problem, reduce climate change and bring about a fanciful world heretofore never experienced before.

And the guy in tent #2 with the plethora of stolen bicycles and sagging corner, agrees.

If they had their way, building developers would be allowed to purchase one of the single family residences in my neighborhood, and with my luck, it would be the one right next door, knock it down and put up a 4-plex or an 8-plex (again, with my luck, the latter) within spitting distance of my humble abode. 

And the theory -- and that's all it is -- is that sprawling apartment building would include housing for low income people. Because you know, as altruistic folks go, no one is more giving than speculative home builders.

Corollaries to this CBD-induced theory, include the notion that by building affordable housing next to door to my once semi-quiet home means Culver City teachers, firemen and dishwashers at the local restaurants will be able to live in Culver City. This, they argue, will reduce commute times, pollution and the inherent class warfare that stems from unabated Capitalism. 

Sure, and Vladimir Putin will put down his arms, embrace America and start putting up Sizzlers all over Mother Russia.

I remember when I first came to California and fell asleep on a beach up in beautiful Malibu. Apart from the 3rd degree sunburn I suffered, I thought, "Wow, I'd love a house here beside the beautiful majestic Pacific and be able to enjoy the beach everyday." 

Sadly, I could not afford a home there on the salary of a short order cook. Or, even later in life as a semi-successful ad guy. But I didn't write a letter or petition the Malibu City Council to build me a home on the cliff, with an oceanfront view, a modern kitchen with a Wolf 36" six burner oven and a heated lap pool in the backyard! 

Because that's not how this works. 

That's not how any of this works.

I don't want to appear cold-hearted or indifferent to the needs of others. We, the country, have a homeless problem. And I have no idea what the solution(s) are. 

But I do know it doesn't include infringing on my rights as a hardworking taxpayer who has played by all the rules, made the right strategic decisions, and carefully maintained my home and its rising equity so that I do not have to spend my final drooling, incontinent days on this blue rock, clicking that Morphine button in a dirty nursing home with dirty carpet and even dirtier eating utensils.

Not. Gonna. Happen.