Home sweet home

You probably heard, but thanks to the diligence, competence and ability to get shit done (as opposed to rage tweeting while 'launching a lifeboat off the SS Assitania') of President Biden, who put more than 200 million vaccine shot in the arms of Americans in little more than 100 days in office, life is getting back to normal.

Two weeks ago, my wife and I went to an actual dinner party. 

And we sat inside. 

And had drinks. 

And ate food. 

And laughed. And told stories. And enjoyed ourselves. Without the aid of any hideous KN95 masks.

Last week I went to the supermarket, where masks were still required. And even though I snagged two beautiful tomahawk steaks, on sale for just 8.99/lbs., I could not wait to exit the store and rip off the mask. Somehow knowing it's no longer necessary caused the elastic straps to dig into my ears like a bound medieval prisoner being drawn and quartered. 

But now there's the looming issue of returning to the office.

Let me go on record and state unequivocally, I prefer to work at home. Those of you familiar with my misanthropic ways will not be surprised. And colleagues who I work with via MS Team Meetings, will no doubt be relieved.

I read a recent article that stated that given a choice of a $30,000 raise or the option of working at home, many employees at Amazon, Facebook and Google, would choose the latter. 

Stupid kids. I'll take both. And I deserve it.

I am much more productive at home. With the door closed, the Bose noise cancelling headphones on, and my piping hot 2 &1/2 cups of coffee within reach, I can do whatever it is I do, faster, better and with more creativity than I could ever hope to achieve at the office Long Table of Mediocrity™. 

I am just not cut out to work in this kind of setting.

I marvel at anybody who is.

Moreover, I like doing my other 'business' in my own bathroom. I have the toilet paper I like. The hand soap that leaves my white collar skin soft and moist. And the Chesapeake Bay candle, lemongrass and eucalyptus, that I bought for Mother's Day, is uniquely soothing and invigorating. And I don't say that about a lot of stuff.

Most of all, I have no desire to start commuting again. Since purchasing my prized Audi SE5 three years ago, I have put a little more than 3000 miles on the car. Apart from the layer of soot and grit that accumulates on all cars in Los Angeles, the car is pristine and has not one door ding on it.

I'd like to keep it that way. So you can find me on a video conference call. Even though the camera does add ten, maybe 15, lbs.