Shit I Don't Understand Vol. 2

There's a well known maxim in business, "always be the dumbest guy in the room." 

This has never been a problem for me. For while I may excel as stupid things like trivia contests or Living Room Jeopardy and know a little about a lot of things, there's are many more things I know nothing about. 

And I'm not ashamed to admit it. I am sincerely dumb.

A few weeks ago I started a new themed series here on R17 about Shit I Don't Understand. And as I stated at the onset there will be plenty of shit to come.

So let's get started.

Vinyl Records

If you haven't already guessed that's an election microscope photo -- whatever the fuck that means -- of a turntable stylus gliding across the groove of a vinyl record and magically reproducing music, anything from Rachminanoff's Piano Concerto #3 to Led Zeppelin's repetitive but majestic Kashmir. 

How does it do that? How does dragging a pointy needle across 8 cents worth piece of heated molded plastic recreate music? I know it has something to do with electromagnetism or something I might have learned about in Physics 101 while at Syracuse University, but that class was at 8 o'clock in the morning and it was always snowing, so I opted for Jewish Fictional Humor on Tuesdays and Thursdays at a more civil hour in the afternoon. In a building close to my dorm.

In that same vein...

Cameras

This is also above my intellectual pay grade. In its most primitive form, there's a magic piece of chemically treated paper, film, that's tucked inside an enclosed dark box. And for a split second an aperture opens up, allowing light to enter the camera through a lens, which then imprints the fleeting light onto the film which is then later treated with more chemicals to reveal a photo, seeing exactly what the human eye can see. Like a man on a horse. Or a naked lady putting on her knickers. 

What kind of satanic wizardry is this?

And finally...

Cellphones

There's a good chance you're reading this blog while on your cellphone. Maybe you're on a train in NYC -- isn't it nice we're returning to normal -- or maybe you're on the west coast, sitting in your bathroom and "launching a lifeboat off the SS Assitania", but have you ever given a moment's thought to the smartness of your smartphone. 

Not only are the words I wrote last Saturday morning ringing through your head on this fine Thursday morning, but if you wanted to reach out to me and file an objection about my crass language and imagery you could do so in a microsecond. And even more astounding, I could receive it in less time than it takes for me to say, "I object to your objection" and colorfully regale you about the overreach of wokeness and woke culture.

I do hope you are enjoying Shit I Don't Understand, because believe me, this is just the tip of the Siegel Imbecile Iceberg.