Inspiration Deflation

Lord Almighty, can we just stop with all goddamned inspiration?

Every day.

Every where.

Every minute, someone out there, someone who has done nothing, stands for nothing, and knows nothing, wants to step up on a soapbox and share that unearned sagacity with the world.

There's so much inspirational horsecockery out there. It follows me around like a bright beam of retina burning sunshine.

And it manifests itself in so many, dare I say, disruptive, ways...

"It's not just a bicycle pump, it's a confidence inflator. It takes positively charged ions from the air and pumps them right into your basketballs, your bicycle tubes and eventually filling your soul."

"We call it the Collabordesk™, we removed that production-killing space between workers at the Long Table of Mediocrity™ and created a 19 foot long computer monitor. Each keyboard is allotted their own miniscreen. It really inspires a sense of camaraderie and of course, collaboration."

"This is Open John™. It was inspired by the soaring popularity of the Open Office Plan, which everybody loves and finds so inspiring. Check out the Urination Station™, one long silvery trough unencumbered by privacy walls. We've also eliminated the stalls, which only served to separate employees and demotivate them. Now they can keep on driving the purpose while they're collectively 'cleaning out the files.'"

Maybe it's a youth thing.

But the truth is, I didn't want or need inspiration when I was coming up through the ranks.

I was "inspired" by the simple things, like my father calling me a bum.

I was "inspired' by the student loan bills that kept showing up in my mailbox every month.

I was "inspired" by watching untalented hacks driving better cars and buying bigger houses than me.

I was "inspired" by observation, noting that if I didn't work hard, create more, push my own inner envelope and figure a way to succeed I could end up in a dirty nursing home where shifty orderlies would be stealing my loose change and whatever candies my daughters left on the nightstand.

What I didn't need, and have trouble discerning who would, is a Linkedin iPhone video urging me to keep on crushing, hustling and staying inspired so I can inspire others.

The other thing I don't need: a pair of autographed "Positivity and Optimism" Basketball Shoes.

You think I jest.