Tuesday, December 13, 2016

The Other List

Santa's not the only one making a list and checking it twice.

Last week glassdoor.com, refuge of the desperate white collar worker, pronounced the 50 Best Places to Work in America. To no one's surprise, at least no one I know, there was not one single advertising agency on the list.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and suggest that if the list were 100 deep you still wouldn't see an ad agency. There might a Toe Fungus Removal Clinic or a Back Hair Shaving Shop, but no ad agencies.

This has got to be quite disconcerting and a constant source of agony for our brethren in the Human Resources Department.

Despite the Free Taco Tuesdays, the Cupcake Cart and the thousands of dollars spent on foosball tables, ping pong tables, and pinball machines, agency morale is at an all time low. Lower in fact than the collective IQ of President Shitgibbon's new cabinet.

Of course, it wasn't always like this. There was a time when working at an agency had a certain cache. People at parties would pump you for the inside scoop...

"You get to wear what you want. Go to a movie in the middle of the day. Push the envelope with crazy ideas. And they pay you good money. Damn, I'd kill for a job like that."

By the way, that's a near verbatim quote from a party I attended in the year...well it doesn't matter what year it was. It just was.

Now it appears, people would prefer to assemble Double Double's with chili and cheese at In-N-Out (#7) than steward the brands of America's Fortune 100.

What happened? Well, the editors at glassdoor aren't the only ones who can make a list. I give you the 50 Reasons Why Advertising in 2016 Can Eat a Bag of Haggis:

1. work/life balance

2. frozen salaries

3. open office plan

4. holding companies

5. PowerPoint

6. electronic meeting invites

7. daily check ins

8. hourly check ins

9. Saturday meetings

10. Sunday meetings

11. timesheets

12. FFDKK, Frivolous Fuckwadian Digital Knick Knacks™

13. airline middle seats

14. brand engagement units

15. focus groups

16. groupthink

17. leadership committees

18. overpaid CEOs

19. collaboration

20. stock photography

21. planning

22. 360 degree integration

23. sycophancy

24. long tables

25. Cannes

Oh, were you expecting the list to go to 50? Well just go over it again, because these issues are twice as pressing as anyone in agency management is willing to admit.

You know, there was a time when kids were aching to get a foot in the door.

Today, most people I know in the agency world are working with one foot out the door.

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