Gimme that old time religion

As we are on the cusp of Christmas Eve it seemed appropriate to do a post about religion. When it comes to religion, faithful R17 readers know, I am an equal opportunity skewer.

I've taken my shots at Islam. Though not so many recently because I consciously did not want my disdain of Islamism to be muddied with the binary and ugly thinking of our new President Shitgibbon.

Just last week I poked fun at the imaginary War on Christmas and the idiots who have somehow equated equal rights for gays as a modern day worldwide attack on Christianity.

And of course, I have exercised executive privilege and poked fun at my own Judaic roots.

"You can't turn the lights on." 
"You can't have milk with meat." 
"You can't pay retail."

But today we are going beyond the realm of Abraham and into the realm of Elron J. Hubbard. Don't know if you've been watching it on A&E lately, but Leah Remini, star of stage and screen and tough chick from the old neighborhood has been body slamming Scientology. Which is not so much a religion but in reality an elaborate, self-improvement mumbo-jumbo Ponzi Scheme.

I have been riveted to the tube listening to former Scientologists, of all stripes, including Sea Org. Members and former OT 8's (some horsecockery about the planet Zanu, living a billion years, magic underwear, and mastering one's inner Mork.)

It is jaw-dropping TV. Made all the more palatable by Leah Remini's well-coifed hair, bright hard nails, and pent up feline anger. She's like a dirty-talking tiger ready to pounce. Grrrr.

Equally fascinating are the tales of what seem to be normal people getting bilked by this bullshit.

"Here, hold these two empty cans of Campbell's Tomato Soup and tell me how you were abused a child. Then put $10,000 in the kitty on the way out."

And just when I thought I'd seen it all, I hadn't.

Apparently, it's cult month on TV. Because Showtime or HBO was also running Holy Hell, a documentary about Buddhafield, a new "religion" founded by Michel, a gay, out-of-work actor (pictured above) who enjoyed .7 seconds of screen time in the classic Rosemary's Baby.

But boy did this guy know how to parlay his alleged fame. There's really no way to describe the antics at Buddhafield suffice to say you must see this film. And the quivering followers who trekked up to Mammoth Lakes to be in the presence of The Speedo Wearing Teacher. And receive the Knowing. And to cook and clean for this self-obsessed, dove-holding douchebag.

All of which makes me happy and proud to be a Nihilist.

That's a religion I can get behind. There are no holidays. No dogmatic beliefs. No churches or temples. And most importantly, no priests or rabbis or leaders. Once we had a guy who wanted to be the head of Nihilists. But his offer to take the reigns was met with a resounding...

"Fuck You!"