Thursday, December 20, 2018

What are the odds?

Meet Louisiana's junior Senator, Bill Cassidy.

He's the recipient of Thursday Thrashing Letter #37.

I think it's 37. It's getting up there.




Senator Bill Cassidy
520 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510 

Dear Bill,

Bless you Senator.

Finding you was like hitting the Etymological Jackpot.

Allow me to explain. Several months ago I set out on a mission to write letters to each of the Republican US Senators. While picking one off week by week, I noticed a weird phenomena. You see many of your colleagues sport illustrative names that are apropos to what a Republican Senator in 2018 should be.

For instance, there's Senator Crapo.

For another instance, there's Senator Boozman.

Let's not forget Senator Blunt.

Nor Senator Flake.

Last week I wrote to Senator Moran. (see accompanying picture.)

You see where this is going, right Bill? 

Most intriguing however was the number of Republican senators who lived up to their name in the most form fitting way possible:

Senator GrASSley

Senator BarASSo

Senator SASSe

That's the holy trifecta of ASShattery. 

Or so I thought. Because then I stumbled upon you. And judging from your distinguished record of non-achievement, I suspect stumbling is how most people find you.

But in ways too many count I am so happy that considering the plethora of ass-happy senators, you Senator CASSidy were the one I found last. Sort of like saving that best piece of chocolate-frosted cake for the end.

I took the liberty of running down your bio on Wikipedia. 

You can just imagine my delight when I read about your life in the great state of Louisiana and that before you were in public service, you were in the service of private parts. 

More specifically, you were an accredited gastroenterologist.

You were literally in the Ass Business. 

Or is it the Business of Ass?

Color me amused.

Between the daily antics of Precedent Shitgibbon and the assbackwards enabling by you and your asinine Vichy-minded colleagues, you have all secured quite a special place in the annals of history. 

I'll leave it right there, Senator, as I feel a sudden urge to wash my hands.


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

PS. Let there be no mistake, I fully recognize the juvenile and sophomoric nature of this missive. Let it also be noted for the record that in the last month your president has referred to a woman he bedded down as a "horseface", called a US attorney a "sleazebag" and a US Senator, a "dick." If you want to blame anyone for the coarsening nature of the current political climate I suggest you look up the street towards the fusty, knotty-pated, mewling hedgepig who resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. 

1 comment:

David Upright said...