Thursday, December 27, 2018

Dick is in the box

I still have a few senators who still haven't received letters.

But we are in the homestretch.

This week's Thursday Thrashing letter goes to North Carolina's Richard Burr.



Russell Senate Office Building, 
217 Constitution Ave NE, 
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Burr,

Or do you prefer Richard Burr?

Or the more colloquial, Dick Burr?

Senator, I don't know if you've noticed this, but you and many of your colleagues, Boozman, Crapo and Blunt, have some strange surreally appropriate surnames.

I know this because I have been writing letters to each and every Republican US Senator as part of a my own personal mission. It goes without saying that I have taken great joy pointing out the foibles and failures of the upper house.

It's like shooting fish in a barrel.
Flat fish, like flounder or halibut.
Flat dead fish that don't move or show any signs of brain function.

You walk those underground tunnels and maybe even share a chicken salad sandwich with these folks at the congressional commissary, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

But I'm going to afford you something I haven't made available to any of your senatorial coworkers -- the light touch.

I'm going to go easy on you, Dick.

For one thing, it's only a couple of days past Christmas. And though I don't officially celebrate the holiday, I do enjoy the downtime and the opportunity to indulge in some day drinking. Particularly when there's a bottle of Noah's Mill bourbon within sneezing distance.

The other reason, and this one is far more disturbing and such an anomaly that it has quite frankly thrown me for a loop, you've actually done something right.

By most accounts you and your Democratic partner Senator Warner, have run a truly bipartisan Senate Intelligence Committee.

I like to think I play fair and that, in these contentious times, is something. I'm sure Congressman Devin Nunes, your house counterpart, is jealous. Actually, I don't think that clueless soap dish of a man can even spell bipartisan.

And just last week you did what heretofore seemed impossible from someone of your stripe. You put country before party and submitted to the Special Counsel's office a list of witnesses you now suspect lied before your committee.

Hit me in the face with a hot waffle iron.

I never thought I'd see the day.

In light of all that, I'm going to leave this letter on a pleasant note and wish you a Happy New Year.

I'm also giving fair warning to next week's letter recipient. There's a good chance I'm going to go off on him or her like an angry, defective Russian-made knockoff pressure cooker.


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

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