Thursday, December 6, 2018

Whip it good.

With the Michael Cohen guilty pleas, the General Flynn sentencing Memo and the daily denials of collusion despite evidence to the contrary, it's hard to keep up with non-Trumpian news. For instance, did you know that this twatwaffle was chosen to be the new Senate Majority Whip?

That's John Thune from the great state of South Dakota, a state that 83% of Americans can't find on a map.

I'm one of the 17% who could. So here's your Thursday Thrashing Letter.



Senator John Thune
Dirkson Senate Office Bldg. #511
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Thune,

Let me start by saying Mazel Tov.

It's my understanding that you have just been elected the new Senate Majority Whip, the second highest ranking among Republican Senators. You're replacing Senator Cornyn from Texas and you've wasted no time filling his shoes, finding the nearest microphone and immediately starting with the GOP Batshit Crazy.

Good on you, Senator.

And while we're at it, good for all your colleagues for their week in/week out nonstop parade of hubris and IBS-inducing Trump apologia. Just as a little background, I've made it my mission to hand write letters to all 53 of you Cro-Magnon bastards.

We're actually getting towards the end of the list, a position not unfamiliar to every South Dakotan. And for that matter, your equally forgettable neighbors to the North.

I did a little research and discovered that Sioux Falls, the largest city in South Dakota has a population of 185,000. Is that all? On any given Friday night, there are 190,000 people waiting to get a table at Tsujita Ramen on Sawtelle Blvd. If you go there Senator, don't bother with the Miso broth, go with the pork belly.

I don't want to spend my time taking cheap shots at the Mount Rushmore state.

I'd rather concentrate on the rock-headed interview you gave last week when it was divulged, by Michael Cohen, one of the president's legendary "Best People",  that Captain Fuckknuckle had been in active negotiations with Vladimir Putin while running for President of these United States.

Let that sink into the sedimentary grey matter lodged between your ears, Thuney.

Because to those of us with a functioning brain, it says he's been lying all along. Ok, that goes without saying. But in this case, he's been hyper-lying. How many times has he stood in front of a microphone or sat on the porcelain throne and under the haze of too many Diet Cokes, tweeted, "No Collusion"?

He was colluding.

Not just with Russian oligarchs or made men from the Russian Mafia, but with VTB (a sanctioned Russian bank no less) with direct ties to the Kremlin.

I'm not sure they teach geo-politics at North Bunghole University, where you got your Masters in Wheat and Plainscaping, but Russia is our adversary. Has been for close to a hundred years. And they have this force of cutthroat spies, now known as the FSB but formerly known as the KGB. In 1998, little Vladimir Putin was put in charge of Russian Intelligence.

In short, he's an evil mastermind. To be even shorter, you'd have to be raised on airplane glue, or a lunkhead from South Dakota, to believe Putin gave a rat's ass about some shoddy-built fleabag hotel sporting the Trump name high atop the Moscow skyline.

Putin did it to get his hooks into our own Precedent Shitgibbon.

Kompromat, Senator. Kompromat.

And yet, with these mind blowing revelations, on top of the growing mountain of evidence compiled by Mueller, a true patriot, you hunted down a reporter from Newsmax and said...

"I don't think that there has been anything that changes the landscape so to speak where the president is concerned."

As if that buffoonish jackassery weren't enough, you added that, "it was time to draw this Mueller investigation to a close."

A close, Senator? No.

There are many, many, many questions that have yet to be answered. Not the least of which is: Where do they find clueless clods like you?

Also, when you ran track in high school, did you ever find yourself on the errant receiving end of a shot put?

Best regards,

Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

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