This dog will hunt

I'd like to start this blog piece by saying I love dogs. Love them. I walk my Lucy twice a day. Once in the morning to do "business." And once in the late afternoon to accompany me on my quest for steps and to burn 1750 calories in a day. Sadly, I usually average about 1600.

When I see other people with dogs I usually stop and pet them. And coo them with baby talk. And scratch that little spot at the top of their head.

Like I said. I love dogs.

But I HATE my neighbor's dog. Mostly because she lives with my neighbors, a trio of dysfunctional misfits that keep their TV blaring 24/7/365. That often use power tools in the garage at all hours of the wee morning. And who fight like famished wolverines.

MOM: You can have the house all to yourself this weekend, I'm going to visit my sister in Phoenix.

SON: Good, I hope your plane goes down in the ocean!

They're not only dysfunctional, they're geographically challenged.

I've hated this dog, who is equally dysfunctional through no fault of her own, since she started howling more than 10 years ago. And my neighborly efforts have come to no avail.

"I really would appreciate it if you didn't let the barking dog out at 3:29 AM, I'm trying to sleep."

"Oh fuck off and close your windows."

BTW, all dialogue here is verbatim.

In this past tortured decade I have tried all kinds of remedies to make that damn dog shut up. I purchased anti-barking devices sold on Amazon. I hooked up my bluetooth speaker to play inaudible high pitched sounds to discourage the barking. I even followed the instructions from the following youtube video and jerry rigged my own device with Piezo tweeters. Never heard of Piezo tweeters? Behold...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zQIFAHui_E

I had all but given up until someone on the NextDoor app suggested Pet Corrector (seen in the picture above.) It was $12 investment I had no trouble making.

I tried it on my dog Lucy, who rarely barks, and she simply ignored it. The pressurized gas is similar to an airhorn (which I've also tried, to no avail) but the sound is nowhere near as loud. If you've ever filled up a propane tank and watched the gas attendant bleed to the tank, you are very familiar with the sound emanating from the can of Pet Corrector.

Much to my amazement, the Pet Corrector is pitch perfect. I could not believe my ears. The neighbors dog, a Malinois, which is French for Bad Noise, started barking. So I went to my back fence and let out a short burst in the middle of one of her tantrums.

Silence.

Minutes later, she tried barking again. I hissed back.

Silence again.

It's been two weeks now and every time I press that magic blue button at the top and my palm goes cold from the sudden release of harmless pressurized gas, the dog whimpers and goes back inside.

Serenity Now.

Of course it does require me to leave the house and bolt through the backyard to bring about some peace and quiet. So now I'm trying to figure out how to rig a wireless triggering mechanism that will squeeze the button from the comfort of my man cave.