This is Senator Marsha Blackburn from the great state of Tennessee.
I'm going to refrain from making any jokes about the Volunteer state as I don't wish to piss off my friend Greg Collins, who often peppers my mailbox with great local news articles about Tennesseans robbing drug stores in search of opioids and then consuming mass doses of laxatives.
Or local redneck boys, who frustrated by their unavoidable Incel status, find themselves humping the tailpipe of an innocently parked Hyundai Sonata.
Besides, why pile on when you've got Senators like Blackburn producing enough humiliation for two states.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. 9.19
Senator Marsha Blackburn
357 Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Dear Senator Blackburn,
Marsha.
Marsha.
Marsha.
Has this been an amazing time in American history or what? For the past 52 weeks, I have been writing letters to every GOP Senator, or as I call them, The Vichy Enablers.
But this week is special, because prior to this writing we only had one rotten scumbag in the Executive wing worthy of impeachment. Now, with the addition of Bill Barr, we have two. Two fat, doughy white men marching our great country down the path to authoritarianism.
You'd think a smart woman like yourself --a graduate of Mississippi State University, no less, home of the Fighting Klansmen -- would see the collapse of our great republic as it happens before our eyes and intercede. But apparently you'd be wrong.
Enough about you, let's talk about me.
I've been married for more than 387 years. Correction, my wife tells me it's only 26. And therein lies my point. I hate to paint with a broad brush (SWIDT) but I've come to understand women are great at seeing through men's bullshit. It's an amazing talent that must be attached to the Y chromosome.
My wife knows when I haven't squeegeed the glass door after a shower.
She knows when I haven't walked the dog.
She knows when I'm lying about taking out the garbage and can somehow smell under the sink even when she's 293 miles away visiting her sister in Northern California.
She knows.
And she lets me know, she knows.
Moreover, as if that were not enough oppressive estrogen in my life, I have two grown daughters. In fact the youngest is graduating college today. They too have been blessed with EBSP, Extra Bullshit Sensory Perception.
Their protestations, as you might expect, are less about domestic issues and revolve more around cultural and social norms.
My daily weightlifting routine for instance is a lingering sign of "Toxic White Masculinity." I point out, as many of your Tennessee constituents might, that as a member of the Hebrew Tribe, there are many circles that do not consider me white.
Similarly, they have vocal opinions on my consumption of red meat, my obsession with football and my tendency to reach for the remote control instant replay when there is a wide shot of the cheerleaders.
The point is the women in my life are astute, observant, mature and committed to improving this world. In other words, everything you are not.
When asked about the rift between Robert Mueller and Bill Barr, you repeated the outright lies of the AG:
"Attorney General Barr said many of the problems were with how the media had represented the report. And General Barr cannot control what the media is going to say."
That's a lie.
And that's a lie about a lie.
I suggest you read the letter again. Mr. Mueller makes no mention of the media. And seeing how he has dutifully remained silent for the past two years, I don't think he gives a crap about media representation.
All of which leads me to conclude, and I hope my daughters will forgive me pushing my newfound woke-ness to the side, that you are a "One Dumb Lying Bitch."
Of course, seeing how you've cozied up to our golf playing, porn star banging, truth twisting, book burning, pussy grabber, there's a good chance you'd like that.
Best,
Rich Siegel
siegelrich@mac.com
Culver City, CA 90232
No comments:
Post a Comment