Wednesday, October 7, 2020

TV is not so good

You know how it goes. 

One minute you're gathered in the living room, surrounded by the ones you love, just as you have relentlessly been for the past 7 months, preparing to enjoy some forced familial camaraderie before tearing each other apart in Jeopardy. 

The next minute the TV screen goes black. 

The seasoned DirecTV customer knows to spring into action and remove the flash card from the receiver box, press the red reset button and allow the hydroponic flick flacks to reconfibulate themselves and align the dish with new azimuth satellite coordinates. 

15 minutes later, I thought we'd be back in time for Double Jeopardy.

"I'll take 17th Century Cheeses of Eastern Europe for 400, Alex."

That's how it was supposed to go. 

But this is 2020. And that's not how it went.

Way down in the left hand corner of the $2200 Pioneer 9000 K Series with Hyper Pixelation GlideScan™, the blue light indicating the TV was on was accompanied by a solid little red light indicating I was fucked.

This was quickly confirmed by the Interwebs. And the many dissatisfied Pioneer TV customers (BTW, they no longer make TVs) who spent upwards of $700 to repair the powerless motherboard, which was, as the red light informed me, DOA.

This brought on a whole new set of issues. 

"New FlatScreen Entertainment Centers for 600, Alex."

In days of yore, replacing a color television was cause for excitement. It was also mindlessly easy. You cleaned out some space on the hi-fi console, plugged the big Philco in, adjusted the rabbit ear antenna and you were set.

Anyone familiar with the terms HDMI, multiple inputs, and high speed Optical Cable Connector, knows the operation is considerably more complicated. And before any of that could happen, I had to solve the Gordian knot of wires and tentacles that held the old TV in place like a prisoner on the execution table.

What I found amongst the rat's nest was mindbending, including some phone jack gizmos that allegedly used my phone line to connect the old TV to the Internet. They never did. 

And a gaggle of red, white and green analog cables that I believe were left over from my college days. Not to mention enough dust to choke a Serengetti Elephant.

Long, boring story and two completely sweat soaked t-shirts and twenty four hours later, I had the new Samsung Crystal UHD 8 DSeries|8000 up and running. 

Sadly not in time for Jeopardy, but just in time for Wheel of Fortune.

"I'd like to buy a vowel, Pat:

S H _ _ T   M E   N _ W


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