Wednesday, October 21, 2020

A tip of the hat.

I know that when most of you see this hat you think, "there goes an uncouth, uneducated clod with no sense of taste or style."

But you'd be wrong.

Because this, my friends, is the 2016 version of the MAGA golf cap. And believe it or not it's a study in class, refinement and haute couture, particularly when held up to the newer, impossibly more obscene MAGA cap of 2020.

I'm not sure many people noticed the difference. I guarantee his followers didn't. But for some reason, perhaps because of the lagging ins the polls, the skyrocketing number of Coronavirus cases, the cratering economy, the epic melting down of a frail, stupid, merkin-sporting man, the Trump team decided some brand hat optimization was in order.

In short, "Make the LOGO Bigger!!!"

Giving us this monstrosity...

Good Night Nurse, does that not scream desperation?

This? From the man the media claims is a Masterful Brand Builder? Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm no graphics expert but I know atrocious kerning and horsey oversized type when I see it. 

Though it pains me to say, the 2016 MAGA hat was iconic, for all the wrong reasons. The 2020 version looks like the work of a junior art director whose only experience was designing Instie posts and Bake Sale banners for the Alpha Phi sorority at the University of Miami.

The hat is more cockwomblish than the man who inspired it. I feel like ordering it just to say I have the memorabilia that brought down the Fourth Reich. I could keep it the drawer with my two commemorative coins marking the unseeable romance between Kim Jong Un and Commander Assnapkin.
I can only imagine the scenario that brought on this sartorial abortion.

"Ivanka, your brother Eric wants to help out on this year's campaign, can you and Jared give him something to do?"

"Sure Daddy. Why don't we have him contact our people in Huang Wi and get us a new batch of MAGA hats."

"Perfect, then he won't bother me anymore and call me when I'm driving the tricky 15th hole, the dogleg left that keeps swallowing my balls."

"I'll take care it Daddy."

Cut to a month later.

"Hey pops, how do you like the new hats?"

"They look like shit, Eric. Send them back."

"I have a warehouse full of them."

"I don't care if you have ten warehouses full of them. Return them. And don't send them a dime my money."


Cut to:

"It's fun to stay at the Y...M...C...A."

Addendum: it gives me great joy to think of the Trump team boxing up all that Keep America Great swag and shipping it off to Africa or some third world country in southeast Asia, because it lost all its value when he dropped the Covid Meat in the Dirt.

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