Let's eat

For reasons I need not explain, my wife no longer visits the supermarket. Though she would give anything for that type of outting.

"A stroll down the produce aisle, that would be heaven. ROMAINE LETTUCE!!!" she pines.

And so the hunting and gathering of groceries falls on my broader than average shoulders -- I bench pressed 245 lbs. a few weeks ago. Only worth mentioning because I did it while I was drunk. And old.

I like going to the grocery store. I especially like going to the grocery store without my wife. Because it means we can get all the good stuff I like to eat: creamed herring, white horseradish and Red Hot tortilla chips, though not all at once.

You know, the foods she conveniently leaves off her list.

Also, I don't like the idea of a list. I prefer to go up and down the aisles and picture scenarios in the upcoming week where I might want Bubby's Jewish pickles, chocolate granola cereal or Teriyaki Beef Jerky. And then, mindlessly, I put them all in my cart.

Though we are a health driven family, given to high protein, natural produce, fewer carbs and even fewer saturated fats, these days it's hard not to push good nutrition to the side in favor of convenience.

We all work, my wife, myself and my finicky 24 year old daughter, who is whip smart and would make a great employee for any ad agency, production company or client side marketing department in search of a unicorn.

Hence, in my hunt for ease and convenience, I was gravitationally pulled toward the frozen food aisle, where I snagged three frozen DiGiorno pizzas. Thankfully, this newbie took a good long look at the boxes. Because I almost made the mistake of getting three Hawaiian style pizzas with pineapple.
That's not pizza in my book. That's an abomination. And the fact that Hawaiians eat pizza with pineapple as well as spam, makes me more than suspect and lead me to conclude we should allow them to secede from the union.

Sadly, the Syracuse-cold section of the supermarket did not have any frozen blintzes in stock. I know, I've made mention of this before, but I love blintzes. Again, apparently my wife doesn't, as she has never brought any home.

Compensating for this, I sallied back to the packaged food aisle and grabbed a few boxes of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (cue the Celine Dion music). I was even lucky enough to snag a box with Disney's Frozen characters on the packaging (see above.)

I spent more than a good hour cruising the local Pavilions market, while sporting my FUCK TRUMP face mask.

I accumulated 10 bags of food, including my favorite bourbon, a tomahawk steak and enough beer to get me through a lockdown should we ever get out of the first Coronavirus wave and move into a second.

In total, I spent $413.79.

But I'm not done.

I'm going back tomorrow. That's when I'm told they'll be restocking the freezer with blintzes.