It's a New Day

By the time you are reading this on your computer, I hope I'll be spellchecking it on my new computer. It's scheduled to arrive today, Saturday.

I had put off buying a new computer for as long as I could. After all, cash is tight in these pandemic times.

Some would argue my money would be better spent on a fully glocked out AR 15 or AK 47 with the super titanium barrel, the 52X scope and the high capacity magazines with fully automatic rejigged loading flux modulator.

Admittedly I'm a little light on my ammo-sexual jargon. But I probably should bone up on this stuff before the first shots are volleyed in our upcoming Civil War II. You know, between the people with brains and the people with Red Hats.

But I went with the computer instead.

Holding steadfastly to the belief that the pen is mightier than the sword. Despite the apparent fact that folks who sport the Red Hat are incapable of reading.

It's been close to 6 years since I bought the last iMac. And I'll be the first to admit there's a little trepidation about getting this new one. And safely transporting all my treasured data from one shiny box to another.

I don't know how I could live if I somehow lost my precious 30 second scripts on the shareability of Tostitos Lime Flavored Tortilla Chips or my email blasts on the very attractive leasing deals on the new 2012 Acura RDX or my many, many pdf decks detailing Union Bank's new marketing efforts for 2015 and 2016.

The old computer, I have not attached a silly or sentimental name to it like some people do to their prized cars, had served me well. But I had grown weary of waiting for the transistors and motherboards and the microchips to catch up with the rapid firing of my own synapses.

Is there anything worse than watching this: https://gfycat.com/rapidathleticilladopsis

Oddly enough, as these things often do, the whole megilla had taken its toll on my wife. Who was about to snap if she had to listen to one more of my bitching complaints about the whole schmegeggie.

"Just buy a new damn computer already. It's what you do for a living. What are you waiting for? Why do you insist on torturing yourself. It's almost as if you enjoy the pain."

Let me cut you off you right there.

"Also, can you take out the recyclables?"

And of course my wife is right. She's always so damn sensible. In retrospect I should have listened to her more. She's been putting me on the right path for the last 30 years ever since she took over my sweater purchases and made me dump the Drakkar Noir in the toilet.