Facebook out pizzas the Hut

I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to digital advertising or social media, I am no Shingy, or Farbo, or any one of a thousand so-called prophets, ninjas or soothsayers.

But what I lack in my knowledge of html, UX, UI, Instagram and Snapchattery, I more than make up for in plain old common sense.

And I like to think I'm well versed in the tenets of good advertising.

So I find myself confused.
Particularly when big companies insist on hosting a Facebook page.

Take Pizza Hut, for example. (Full disclosure I worked on this account several times over my career and it has left a sour taste in my mouth, not unlike their shrimp/pineapple concoction. That's not pizza, that's a buffet table that was accidentally knocked over and fell onto a slab of bread and into a cardboard box.)

The Pizza Hut Facebook page has more than 32 million fans. Or brand engagers as my colleagues like to say. But do not be deceived. There may be 32 million people who liked the page but there are not 32 million people who like their pizza.

In fact, if you were to read through some of the comments, you'd have a hard time finding 32 people who had a positive experience.

In essence, the Pizza Hut Facebook page is nothing more than bulletin board for folks who discovered that anyone can out pizza the Hut.

"Dude, WTF. I ordered your pizza and it was soggy AF."

"Shittiest birthday pizza ever. Thanks Pizza Hut."

And then there was this disappointed "brand engager" who aired her complaints in the form of poetry:

"Once upon a midnight dreary,
I went to bed all weak and weary.
No dinner had I consumed,
my system was running just on fumes.
My kids had pleaded for a pie,
so from pizza hut online we did buy.

But when the hours we counted had reached four,
There came no knocking on our residence's door.

Did Pizza Hut offer any apology? or offer up our next is free?
No response we did receive.

We shall order from them nevermore. Nevermore."

Holy shit, when the masses start whipping out the couplets, the consonance and the iambic pentameter to put a beatdown on your pizza, those aren't Pizza Hut fans those are new Domino's customers.

Mind you, this was all found on the first page of their site. I didn't cherry pick like Devin Nunes going through a FISA application. I just opened the Pizza Hut Facebook page and stuck my hand in and grabbed a bunch of disgruntled customers. Who, by the way, have no doubt read the tales of other disgruntled customers.

In other words, their dissatisfaction will only be amplified. In other, other words, this shit is probably costing them millions of dollars.

So hey, Pizza Hut, next time a seasoned, old-timey copywriter suggests you rethink your digital strategy, maybe you should listen.

Or, not.