The Copywriter War of 2013

God is not alone.

I hate CopyWriters too. Even though I'm friends with many. Perhaps friends isn't exactly the right word because the truth is these fellow word whores are my direct competition. They would gladly take food off my table to put food on theirs.

"You want a brand manifesto, you want a dealer ad, you want a nice package of banner ads?" they'll say, "don't call Siegel, I can do it for you faster, cheaper and with a lot less attitude. And I think you know what I'm talking about."

In fact, I was having this very discussion with another copywriter the other day. And that's when John...er, I had this brilliant idea.

I call it the Anti-Portfolio.

The idea is very simple. I compile a list of all the writers with whom I compete. This includes copywriters in LA, NY, SF, Chicago and even Detroit. Maybe not Detroit, I have no interest in getting any gigs in Detroit and returning to the Dearborn Four Seasons.

Good falafel, but very depressing.

Then, I go through their portfolios or do a cursory search on adsoftheworld or ecreativesearch, and find their worst work. You know, the embarrassing drivel they wish their names were not attached to. I compile all this dreck on an easy-to-navigate website and keep it handy anytime an agency recruiter calls.

"Oh, you're thinking of bringing in Alex Grossman? Really, have you seen what he did for that other carmaker? Sure, you could hire Greg Collins, but you might end up getting work like this. Hepinstall? I know Kathy could do a fine job, but do you see what she writes on her blog and how she treats her mother."

On the other hand, I've produced a slew of work I never want to see again, so this may not be such a brilliant idea. On the other other hand, I don't care if anybody sees it, because as my wife often tells me, I cannot be embarrassed.

I simply don't have the gene for shame.