Pirate Repellent

At this writing, pirates are still holding the captain of a US ship off the coast of Africa.

These are not your peg-leg, eyepatch-wearing, swashbucklers of the Errol Flynn variety. These pirates are a motley crew of lanky, uneducated Somalis who choose to chew on khat and feed off the fruits of labor of others.

For the life of me, I don’t understand why the owners of these ships do not set sail with a small crew of mercenaries to fend off any pirate attacks. One guy sitting in the crow’s nest with a pair of binoculars and an RPG ought to do the trick.

But what do I know of maritime operations?

What I do know is that most of these 4th world thugs are followers of the Koran. And if there’s one thing that repels Islamists, it’s homosexuality. According to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, there is not one gay man or gay women in all of Iran.

That suggests to me that Somali pirates would steer clear of any ships sailing off the coast of Somalia flying the rainbow flag. A flag that says, in no uncertain terms:

“We here. We’re queer. And if you illegally board our boat we’re going to mercilessly taunt you about the clothes you’re wearing.”