Oh the Irany

As I write this, the clusterfuck in the Middle East seems to be winding down. 

According to the White House -- emphasis on White -- the Straits of Hormuz has been opened. The blockade is off. And there is a new regime in Tehran that is smarter, more reasonable and easier to deal with than the last bunch of hard line mullahs. 

Of course, one must consider the source. 

All this comes from a man who said Mexico would pay for the Wall. Put us through more than 200 weeks of fruitless Infrastructure Weeks. And told us that he'd be introducing a new healthcare plan for Americans that included free insulin and affordable heroin, in just two weeks. 

And then again in two weeks.

In two weeks.

In two weeks.

In two weeks.

In short, the narrative of the Straits has been anything but straight. It's changed more often than the lead did in that Syracuse vs. Connecticut 6 Overtime Classic at Madison Square Garden back in 2009, during the Obama years when we could go to sleep at night relatively sure that our President could identify a tiger, A rhino and a giraffe. 

Oh and because nothing good can currently be said about the Syracuse Orange Basketball team, it should be noted they won what could arguably be called the greatest college basketball game ever staged on the hardwood floors.

According to news reports, negotiations with the Persians (I think I can say that) include a stipulation that $20 billion in frozen assets must be put on a C -130 cargo plane and flown to Tehran. Moreover, like the last time we reached an agreement, the money must come in the form of cash, because our two warring nations have no official banking ties. And because despite all our digital tendencies, Cash is still king.

For those of you who don't follow the pathetic political tribulations of the day as attentively as I do, way back in 2015, President negotiated an agreement with Iran -- the JCPOA. In return for halting their nuclear aspirations, the US returned $1.7 billion to Iran. This was not US taxpayer money, these were frozen assets that belonged to the uncooperative Iranians. According to the International Atomic Commission and our own military brass, the JCPOA agreement had been working and in effect for years, until President I-Can-Do-Better-Than-The-Black-Guy came along.

Not only did he tear the agreement up, he endlessly shit on it and mocked Obama for giving them such a huge sum of money. HUUUUGE!!!

I know, Tucker Carlson knows, and hopefully you know, that Grandpa Ramblemouth is hardly a whiz at math. Let's not forget he claimed that condos at his fleabag tower on Fifth Ave were 30,000 square feet in size when in actuality they were, and are, only about 11,000 square feet. Or that Mara Hoggo was worth somewhere in the vicinity of 1.2 billion dollars. 

Nothing in Florida is worth $1.2 billion dollars. It's FLORIDA. 

But the best way to explain the hypocrisy here is the tiny infographic at the bottom of the chart above. What Obama returned to Iran weighed as much as 3 elephants. What President Shitgibbon is prepared to ship back weighs as much as 33 elephants.

Maybe Diaper Donny needs to take yet another Montreal Cognitive Assessment Test.

*Title credit for this post belongs to Ms. Muse. I was told I should mention that.

** The temporary agreement as of last Sunday is now off and the Straits are now being controlled by the Iranians. Ww need a scorecard to keep up with the mishigas.