Dubai, dashed.

Though I'm semi-retired and semi-working as a fractional Creative Director and a man of semi-leisure, I do spend time on LinkedIn. It's not easy to turn off 40 years of hustling in the ad world. And it's still a good place to troll Trumpsters, though I'm doing considerably less of that these days.

Last week I received an invitation to link up with HH Sheikh Hamdan Mohammed Bin Rashid Al Maktoum. Try getting that on a Starbuck's cup. Which makes no sense since Hamdan -- he says I can call him Hammy -- is the Crown Prince of Dubai and probably has his own Starbucks, inside his own palace, inside his own city.

That's how I imagine things work in the UAE. 

And fortuitously, it actually looked like I'd be going over there to see for myself. 

Moments after accepting his invitation to connect on LinkedIn, he sent me a message. Mind you I receive a great deal of invitations, mostly from attractive young Asian women who invariably studied at Harvard or Stanford. They all hail from Singapore. They all work in the Marketing Department of Cosmetology at Estee Lauder. And they all find my credentials fascinating and charming. 

All of which is bullcockery, except maybe the last statement. In other words, I have an oversized nose for sniffing out scammery. But Hammy, the Sheik for you mere peasants and civilians, sent me this...

When a man of his magnitude offers help to a man like me -- read: to a Jew like me -- you don't pass up the opportunity to engage.

Could I use help from a member of the royal family who lights his hookah with $1000 bills? Of course I could? The garage door on my rental home needs replacing. The carpet is fraying. And at some point, I'll need to re-landscape the backyard which will require the expensive services of an architect and a contractor. 

And have you seen the price of bacon and eggs? 

So naturally I engaged. And that's when his Sheikness offered me a job. As an Ambassador, no less. In your face Kim Guilfoiled.

You can only imagine my excitement. 

Unfortunately, this exchange took place minutes before my scheduled physical therapy session, a tortuous hour of stretching, bending and balancing on a tiny teeter totter that threatens to send me to the ground once again. I decided to screen shot the messages and renew my correspondence with his Majesty the following day.

Sadly, however, he and his billions of dirham (the official currency in Dubai) have vanished. Our back and forth chat had gone as well. And my dream of becoming an Ambassador, despite my bad back, has faded into the ether.

But all is not lost. As I was furiously searching for the Crown Prince's linkedin profile I discovered there are many other Crown Prince's and Sheiks on the site. 

Time to start sending out some invitations.