Deal of the century

My friend and fellow advertising blogger, Professor Tannenbaum recently weighed in on the big merger. In fact, many folks, all of whom are much smarter than me, have opined on the matter. And why not? It's only the biggest merger our industry has ever seen.

With the possible exception of this one that happened way back in 1989. 

I was going to demure on the matter. You know, given my lack of business credentials and any manner of gravitas (see Tuesday's post about the Caganer.) But then I thought I have close to 40 years experience in this business and enough war stories -- many of them not interesting at all -- why not?

For instance I think it would be a shame if my former Omnicom overlords passed up the opportunity to change the name of the new entity to OMNIPIG, which is not only evocative but also cleverly uses all the vital letters of both signatories. 

From a purely personal standpoint, I have experience with the genesis of merger mania. 

I began my career at Needham Harper & Steers, which we mailroom clerks called Needless Hardons & Tears. When the powers that be in New York and Chicago discussed combining Needless...er, Needham with DDB, the principals Gerry Rubin and Larry Postaer at the LA office, said, "No thank you."

In what I can only imagine to be a deft and delicate move, they broke off to form RPA and managed to keep the Honda account. In testament to their longevity and integrity, they still have that account some 40 years later.

After schlepping boxes and moving furniture sometimes diva-like creatives, I got my writing career started at Abert, Newhoff & Burr. A small and nimble (before that became some coy marketing descriptor) agency that itself had broken off from Chiat/Day. Back then there were several small boutique agencies that had split off from the Mothership including Stein, Robaire & Helm and Keye Donna Pearlstein. 

All did outstanding work and all made outstanding money for themselves and their employees.

If there's one reason to be optimistic about the merger it's the emergence of smaller independent boutique agencies who are finding ways to create great work for large clients. You know who they are. Frankly, I can't remember if I took my painkilling medicine this morning or not. They have odd names like FlapJack, Gooey, and Untied Shoelaces.

Finally, I read somewhere that Omnicom paid close to $13 billion to acquire IPG. First of all I don't understand how an ad agency or even a network of ad agencies is worth $13 billion. There's no infrastructure. There's no physical product. In many cases, virtual cases, there's not even real estate to be had. 

They're basically buying people, overworked, underpaid, unappreciated people who, when management is not around, can be heard saying things like, "This is my fifth weekend in a row working on this damn Pizza Hut, Two Toppings for only $6.99 Medium Pizza promo. I gotta get outta this business."

Dear OMNIPIG Brass, 

If mediocre advertising is what you're looking for, I can be lured out of retirement for 1% of what you just shelled out. You know where to reach me.