The Teflon™ has been broken

I ruined my favorite non-stick saute pan. And I did it in the most glorious fashion. 

Don't know where you were Thursday afternoon, but I was at home about to retreat to my garage to lift some weights when I unexpectedly heard the "the jury has reached a verdict." I immediately ran to the living room to turn on the TV, which is no longer a simple operation. One has to power up the TV, find the appropriate app, and then sift through a bunch of prompts to get a live feed from MSNBC. 

Though in hindsight and knowing what the results were, it would've been more amusing to watch the crestfallen "Journalists" at Fox or NewsMax. 

Ari Melber informed the viewers that it would take 30 minutes for the jury to fill out the forms and take their seats back in the courtroom. Those 30 minutes felt like the 32 hours we waited for the birth of my first child. 

And again, I was given no epidural.

Melber and Weissman reiterated the point that if the jury came back with just one conviction, out of a possible 34, it would be a victory. An inflection point in American history. 

When the verdicts came in it wasn't just one conviction. The onscreen infographic kept flipping and flipping and flipping, like a ticket tabulator at an old NYC deli, "Now serving justice to number 34. NUMBER THIRTY FOUR."

And with that and a sudden surge of adrenalin, dopamine and caffeine, I opened a kitchen cabinet grabbed a heavy duty Calphalon 1 quart saucepan as well as my favorite aforementioned saute frying pan, and ran to the sidewalk. 

There, fueled by a rage that been been building in me since 2015, when this orange menace brought his particular brand of misogyny, ignorance and xenophobia to America, I let loose with a fury of pot-banging the likes of which had not been heard since the turn of the millennium.  

The sturdy Calphalon pan, which could easily challenge Apple's hydraulic crushing machine, remained unscathed. 

The flat teflon coated saucepan is no longer flat. And now sports a concave or convex (depending on which side you're looking at) surface that has rendered it useless. But it will make a funny family heirloom should my daughters ever decide to procreate.

"Your crazy grandfather did this when he found out Ex Precedent Shitgibbon was found guilty on all 34 charges. He wanted you have this and his wisdom teeth that he had pulled in 2007. Don't ask."

Following this micro-burst of accountability that felt as glorious as a late summer afternoon Manhattan thundershower, I was asked by someone on social media, "what happens next?" 

I have no clue.

But I do know this: If the DNC can't beat a convicted felon and the GOP elects a convicted felon, we as America deserve the awful fate we have coming to us. And it will be a very long time before any of us are celebrating ever again.

Begging the question, how am I going to make my salmon tonight?