Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Hair on my chinny chin chin

Exciting things are happening in the world of overpriced men's grooming. 

Exciting things.

I was very happy to see that my alma mater -- Dollar Shave Club -- has begun stocking their virtual shelves again with Ball Spray. Oh you read that right, they have a Lower Forty parfume designed specifically for the scrotal region. The claim is that it will leave your fellas tingly and minty. I get the tingly. I'll take their word on mintyness.

I do remember spending inordinate amount of time writing ads, web copy and thousands of jokes about Ball Spray. And even convinced the easily-convinceable folks at Dollar Shave Club to run a  series of "Teste-Monials" from satisfied customers.

Teste-monials. Get it?

I can't tell you how often I'd end the day and thought to myself, "Wow someone is paying me to do this job." Not that it was all brain tingles and mint leaves. Like any job, there were careerists, grammar nazis, and evil cat-petting dominatrices willing to sacrifice the brand in order to beef up their resumes.

I once got in a washtub full of hot water for playfully snapping back at a project manager who took offense to one of my cornball jokes when I slacked, "Oh you're such a Killjoy." Ms. OverSensitivity later ran to HR and proved my unintentional point.

Like I often say on LinkedIn, "I'm so glad to be out."

The other cause for tonsorial excitement is the Manscaped Beard Hedger (pictured above.) 

At the request of Ms. Muse, I have been rocking the Chrome Dome/Bearded look for the last 6 months. My facial hair is almost all white and it no doubt makes me look older than my semi-youthful body would indicate. But I hate shaving and I do like the look. 

That is, until I don't.

While follically challenged on top, the hair that runs across my chin and jowls and ears must be gorging themselves on my high protein diet. Some guys have a 5 o'clock shadow, I get a 5 o'clock cardigan. 

If I don't come in the house by 7 PM, I could have hummingbirds nesting in my neck. 

This necessitated bi-weekly, sometimes weekly, trips to my nearby barber, who was charging me $20 a pop. For a three minute trim. I didn't mind going because it's within walking distance to my house and just a few doors down from my weed store. Plus, he's a few plumbs off bob and tells some great stories. But the math simply didn't work out for me. 

At least not until Uncle Sam starts paying me back all the SS money they took from me in the first place.

Then I happened across this new Beard Hedger (I like that name) with the patented 20 Length Adjustable Blade Wheel™. No more snapping different guide heads to the top of the trimmer. No more guesswork. No more "Oh shit I cut off a whole patch there and now have to shave the beard off and start over."

I love the Manscaped Beard Hedger. And if you haven't guessed, I suspect you will love it too. Here's your official Amazon Affiliate Sponsored code: https://amzn.to/45EEGF5

Tell them Santa sent you.

Legal (like anyone cares): Commissions earned on every sale. Think of it as a GoFundMe, with benefits.

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