This popped up on my iPhone last Friday night.
I know that's a hell of a way to start an R17 post and am already having anxiety that you will be letdown. We live in an era of constantly BREAKING NEWS. And thanks to Twitter (or what Ugly Goebbels now calls X) nothing, or everything, is always BREAKING.
Moreover, it's hardly NEWS when the former president calls one of his ex-cabinet members (the best people) an incompetent fool who was never up to the job.
But the truth is, I've never seen this emergency screen on my iPhone before. And if I have something to say about it I never will.
So here's the scenario. After a delightful, but abbreviated Zoom meeting with my hilarious ex Team One colleagues and a delicious cheat meal with my daughter, I decided to retreat to my backyard for a a glass of Merlot and a dip in the hot tub.
No sooner than I had lifted the cover, placed my plastic wine glass in the thoughtfully designed cupholders and submerged my naked torso in the 104 degree chemically balanced fizzy water, I was joined by an unexpected guest. From the corner of my right eye I caught a flash of movement. Before I could blink, a baby raccoon had leaped up on one of the deck chairs and flailed itself into the drink -- the hot tub, not the wine.
I let out a yelp, which caught my daughter by surprise and dragged her away from another insipid episode of Below Deck. And I jumped to attention, ready to swipe the furry rodent/marsupial out of the jacuzzi. The critter, alarmed from the commotion and the sound of a grown man doing his best imitation of a frightened 7 year old girl, wasted no time and needed no assistance. He or she, quickly turned tail, found a slippery edge and with every fiber of its 13-14 lbs. body, Fosbury Flipped its way out.
The whole incident took about 8 seconds.
Enough excitement, apparently, to trigger the All Hands on Deck Alert in Cupertino.
"Calm down, people, we're all good. Just some city slicker not used to living among the wildlife."
My heart rate is no longer in the triple digits but I am making one minor suggestion to the good folks at Apple, a simple addition that can be included on the next ground breaking iteration of the iPhone 16...
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