Grooming 101

We get letters. And e-mails. And voicemails. And all sorts of meme's, which I'm sad to say are 99% too late as I've seen them already. 

Last week a FB friend from my high school (most of whom are sadly Red Hats) sent me a link to Mike Huckabee's twisted website fueled by TDS -- Trump Deification Syndrome. He suggested there "might be something you can do with this."

Most times when I get those sort of messages I politely decline. Why? Because I'm not a DJ taking requests. Also, that's just not how my mind works. I spent 40 plus years taking writing requests from clients, I'm not about to do it on my free time.

But this (see photo above) is different. And if you'll visit this site I think you'll see why.

Mr. Huckabee, the former governor of Arkansas and father of professional liar and ex Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee, is proud to produce The Kid's Guide to President Trump. 

Remind me again, who are the malignant Groomers.

For a mere two dollars, just the cost of shipping and handling, you can receive this FREE Patriotic Kid's Gift Bundle which not only includes the Guide to President Trump, festooned with all kinds of dazzling red, white and blue illustrations...

...you'll also receive a special introductory subscription to EverBright Kid's Magazine, chock full of grooming aids in early firearm ownership, swastika drawing, and junior Kross burning.

As you might imagine, I really wanted to get my hands on the Kid's Guide to President Trump, btw kids, that's EX-President Trump, thank god. 

But, in reading the fine print, I saw that legendary GOP treachery. Once you agree to pay for the shipping and handling via a certified credit card, you must also agree to receive the magazine subscription, which would make for good fire starting material during the coming winter month's, at $7.95 an issue.

Yeah, no.

That's when I thought it'd be a good idea to play on Mike's good hearted Zionist streak and appeal to his oh-so-earnest love of people with Hebraic Seasonings. In the space provided in his site I included the following message...

Dear Mike,

I was so excited to see your exclusive offer to receive The Kid's Guide to President Trump. As a Messianic Jew I was so looking forward to sharing his many achievements with my children Schmuley, Zachariah, Esther, Isaac, Ruthie and Little Ruthie. 

However, as I have just lost my job as an Assistant Moyel, I am unable to afford the monthly subscription. I pray to Hashem that you can see fit to send the guide so that I may show my children the blessings President Trump has bestowed upon this world.

I don't want to be a shnorer, but if you, or Jesus, can find it in your heart to send me the guide for free, I will sing your praises for all of eternity. And little Ruthie will too.

I promise to keep you informed should there be any reply.