The Hip-ocratic Oath

As many readers of R17 know, I have been working quite regularly lately. I'm heading into the third month of a three month contract.

It might be the most intensive and lowest paying gig I've ever had in my illustrious 15 year career as a freelancer. But it might also be the one I love most. Because in addition to working from home, like everybody else, I'm also working with a great bunch of people who demand and appreciate funny writing, unlike everybody else.

If I play my cards right, and they play their cards right, this could actually turn into a full time job.

But it is not without one gnawing problem that has afflicted me since planting my considerable ass in my Herman Miller chair and clicking and clacking away at the funny. You see because of Slack and the fast pace with which the company moves, I have been tethered to my computer. For long stretches at a time. Consequently I have developed sharp, stabbing pains in my hip flexor muscles.

A $200 trip to the doctor yielded a diagnosis of Bursitis. Which I resisted, because young, healthy 44 year olds just don't get Bursitis. And the foul tasting steroids I was prescribed did little or nothing to relieve the pain. Not nearly as much as the Petra Cannabis-Infused Moroccan mints. (By the way I've been promised a truckload of free mints from the CMO at Kiva Confections, a reader of this blog, but to date they have not arrived.)

And so I took my aching legs into my own hands.

Did a little interweb research on hip flexor pain, which is quite common with many of us now parked on our derrieres, and discovered a series of stretches that can alleviate the pain. I've now turned my youngest daughter's vacant bedroom into Rich's Studio of Cannabis-Enhanced Yoga and Screaming.

I also purchased the Active Wrap Hip Heat & Ice Wrap. And have taken to strolling about the house wearing this neoprene looking diaper.

My other daughter finds it endlessly amusing. 

I'm sure she has snapped a few surreptitious photos of me and posted it online for her friends amusement.

But the good news, I am on the mend. The better news is that while nursing the lower half of my body back to 100%, the top half is functioning at super human levels.

Last week our friends Paul and Deanna came over for a social distanced dinner. After my 4th Mojito I invited Paul to take a look at my garage and my personal gym. One thing led to another and before long the testosterone kicked in and we were seeing who could bench press the most weight.

With a lot of grunting and groaning, I slowly hoisted 245 lbs. 

Imagine how much I would have been able to lift if I only had 3 Mojitos.