Did you get money? I got money.
Not a lot of money like Ruth Chris Steakhouse or Shake Shack. But when the government rolled out the PPP and $350 billion in aid to small businesses hurt by the mismanaged response to Covid 19, I thought, "I'm a small business." Actually, I'm the smallest of businesses, a one person self employed, underemployed, small business.
So I got off my digital ass and got in digital line.
Why not, particularly since February and March were the most barren months of my 16 year freelance copywriting career.
Do I feel guilty about this? Particularly since I have savings in the bank as well as other investments that guarantee there will always be a roof over my head and the occasional Tomahawk steak on my plate. Not in the least.
In fact, as our stable genius businessman/president would put it, "that makes me smart."
The stipend I was given was small. A shade over 4 digits small. A grain of sand on a wide stretch of beach dominated by large greedy corporations that fatten themselves on government subsides. You know, the usual suspects: Big Pharma, Big Oil, Big Agriculture and of course, Big Defense. The same motherfuckers who decry socialism on one hand and pickpocket Uncle Sam with the other.
Here are some other reasons why my conscience is not troubled.
I live in Culver City, with, allegedly some of the best schools in LA County. But even though I pay hefty property taxes, my girls went to private school. In effect I was paying -- through the roof, I might add -- for the education of four kids, not two.
When my oldest turned 14, we enrolled her at Culver City High School. Big mistake. After 6 months in an advanced Math class, the teacher didn't even know her name. And so we shipped her and her sister off to St. Monica's Catholic High School. In light of my militant atheism, you can imagine how that sat in my less-than-spiritual Hitchian stomach.
It didn't end there.
When college rolled around, we tried, and to no avail, to gain admittance into the UC (University of California) system. I'm convinced there's an unspoken and unholy agreement among governors and the regents to reject in-state applicants disproportionately. Forcing parents all across the country to pay the higher non-resident tuition.
Looking for Deep State conspiracy, there it is.
That's just the tip of the financial Shitberg. I'm sure I can dredge up plenty of instances where more of my money went to pay for pothole repairs and gold plated Pentagon toilets than the contributions of Jeff Bezos, The Koch Brothers or Captain Ouchie Foot.
As it turns out the government will have the last laugh.
The SBA recently put out the PPP forgiveness application, wherein recipients can apply for loan forgiveness. There's little, I should say no chance, I will be absolved.
The application is a Joseph Heller nightmare and might as well have been written in Cyrillic.
How bad is it? I've seen 159 page briefing decks that make more sense.
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