Monday, February 3, 2020

Taking orders, writing checks

This year has gotten off to a good start. I had three separate bookings in January. From three separate clients. In years past that would hardly be newsworthy.

But times have changed. Every copywriter in the world who has ever written, "see your retailer soon, these deals won't last" or "offer not valid in Tennessee" is now freelancing and actively trying to take the top ramen noodles and ketchup packet soup off my table.

When the going gets tough the tough get busy with the idea making.

And this year I've taken my feverish anti-GOP sentiment and married it to my equally zealous interest in paying my bills, maintaining my credit score and socking away enough money to keep me out of a dirty nursing home.

It's a Billing/Tithing Program.

I know I should have come up with a clever name for it, but as I mentioned I've been busy.

Here's how it works: every time I get booked on a job, I set aside a small portion of the earnings to donate to Democrats looking to unseat one of the 53 useless GOP Senatorial jizzbiscuits in the Upper Chamber.

Last week's booking resulted in a check to Amy McGrath, who is aiming to take out the Turtle, Moscow Mitch.

Two weeks ago, I wrote a check to Mark Kelly, who is infinitely more qualified than Arizona's fascist hack, Martha McSally.

And we started off the year with a check to Jamie Harrison, who, with any luck, will kick Ms. Lindsey Graham to the curb.

Admittedly, this is a little gimmicky. Not like slipping into a furry suit and filming a youtube video or, god forbid, doing a white man rap, to drum up some new work type gimmicky, but if I've proven anything in my 16 years as a freelancer, when it comes to self promotion, I'm kind of shameless.

So there you have it. Book me for your next copywriting/concepting job and I'll make a significant donation to the democratic candidate of your choice. But don't wait.

These deals won't last.

Offer not valid in Tennessee.

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