Tuesday, February 4, 2020

Shabbiest. President. Ever.

Came across this photo the other day on social media. I'd give it proper attribution but the truth is I snatched it up so fast I forgot who unearthed this little gem.

That is the President of the United States of America, arguably the most powerful man on the planet, that is if you put Mitch McConnell in the proper turtle sub-species of platysternon megacephalum.

If you didn't know better you'd swear it was some slimy, amateur Bob Crane wannabe dimestore pornographer.

"Ok honey, look over at me. You have to smile at the camera. Do you want to be a star or not? The door is locked from the inside and only I have the key."

If you can't picture those words coming out of his mouth you haven't been paying attention. And if you have been paying attention you don't need this jaw dropping photo to confirm this man is the...

Shabbiest. President. Ever.

I have compiled quite the collection of invectives to capture the artless, motley minded nature of this lumpish, cream-faced fustilarian. In many ways it's been like an advertising tagline exploration. It takes hundreds and hundreds of iterations, tweaks and start overs to get to the perfect tagline.

For example, I was in the office when the Apple team landed on Think Different. And I can tell you that tortuous exercise took months. My partner and I would often walk by that war room and thank our lucky stars we were busy on ABC and TV is Good. That tagline took 20 minutes.

But I digress.

The point is Shabby is the PERFECT word to describe our newly crowned, flabby boy/king.

It is an attribute that he has exhibited in gaudy excess in civilian life.

And to no thinking man or thinking woman's surprise, it has followed him right into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

 Check out ponderous Abe Lincoln in the portrait. Wonder what he's thinking?

"I deliver the Gettysburg Address and you deliver Big Macs, Whoppers and Filet O'Fish samiches?"

Then again, maybe shabby is just what we deserve. We have eschewed substance, intelligence and quality in almost every phase of American life.

Our airports are shabby.

Our mcmansions are shabby.

Our celebrities are shabby.

Our infrastructure is shabby.

Even the worth of our word and the promises we make is shabby.

And worst of all, our collective culture, knowledge and understanding of the world we live in is monumentally shabby.

Half of all Americans can't point to Ukraine on a map. The other half think Auschwitz is a new imported IPA. And the other other half believe 2.3% GDP and $23 trillion debt is the sign of a booming economy.

We should just change the name of our country to the United Shabby States of America.

Or, better yet, welcome to Shabbyville.

We can hang the sign on our new front door.

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