Dear Stupid Democratic Candidates

These 4 words were made famous by Bill Clinton in 1992. He correctly identified the issue that drives American voters to the polls.

If I were to give advice to the 127 candidates currently vying for the Democratic nomination, I would suggest they relearn this time tested formula. I'll explain why after I debunk the current crop of issues on the table.

Americans don't give a damn about climate change. 73% of them see a Senator cart a snowball into the halls of Congress and think, "Global warming? What global warming?"

Americans don't give a rat's ass about the Rule of Law, civics, and the impact of shitty judges sitting on our federal courts. For most, the Constitution begins and ends with the 2nd Amendment.

And if I may continue this elitist rant, Americans could care less about foreign policy.

Hell, I'd bet all the equity in my house that more than half of our greatly informed citizens could not point to Syria, Afghanistan, Madagascar or North Korea on map. And I'd win that bet. The blue dots represent the educated guesses of the MAGA Hat brigade.

Let's be honest, if Americans wanted to see the world, they'd book a flight to Disney's Epcot Center. And dine on Italian food at the local Olive Garden.

Americans care about what's in their wallet, what's in their bank account and the extra $341 they found in their 401K plan this year.

And this is where the genius of Grandpa Ramblemouth comes in. He knows he can fool people who don't understand high minded terms like habeas corpus, emoluments and ethical standards, simply by telling them the economy is the biggest and bestest it has ever been.

I'm here to tell you it's not. And if the Democratic candidates were smart they would focus on debunking this happy hill of horseshit.

Let's start with GDP, widely regarded as one the best indicators of the economy's strength. He promised, by waving his magic wand, that we could be enjoying (winning) 6% GDP growth. And he was just a little bit off.

2017 -- GDP growth was 2.4%
2018 -- GDP growth was 2.9%
2019 -- GDP growth was 2.3%

Shitgibbon's best year was the exact same at President Obama's best year, 2015, when GDP was 2.9%!

If we were to average 5% GDP under Captain Ouchie Foot, again as promised, GDP growth in 2020 would need to be 12.4%. Even if US Steel opened 60 new plants I don't see that happening.

Let's look at deficits.

With the permanent tax cuts for corporations and the now dwindling tax cuts for consumers, our deficit is currently over $1 trillion. And the projection for the next ten years is even worse. I'm sorry, didn't I hear Secretary of the Treasury Steve Mnuchin say the tax cuts would pay for themselves? And during these bestest, strongest economic days since the invention of the American Wheel, shouldn't the numbers be going in the other direction?

Wait there's more.

Because a look at our collective national debt is even worse. It currently stands
at $23, 270,000,000,000.00. And with the purchase of new steam powered aircraft carriers, stealth jets that don't fly, and border walls that can't stand up to a strong breeze, our debt is not going down anytime soon.

Here, look at all the pretty red numbers:

usdebtclock.org

But let's acknowledge one thing, the stock market has risen. Though as many found out in 2008, that euphoria can disappear like the last tablet of Vicodin in the medicine cabinet.

It should also be noted that under Obama, the Dow Jones Index nearly tripled. From a little below 7,000 to close to 20,000 when he left office. I don't remember hearing the Red Hats hooping and hollering about their 401K's when that happened.

Maybe black ink only matters when it's produced by a white president.

The point is, the economy is not Captain Fuckknuckle's strong point. Like his hair and his amateur clownish makeup, it's his weakest.

I wish the Dems would recognize this.