Thursday, February 7, 2019

Idaho sure knows how to pick em

Dear fans of the Thursday Thrashing letters, I took inventory. We are up to letter number 46. I think. With the election last November some Republican Senators have left and we now have some new ones.

Plus, I got so worked up about how these pasty white motherfuckers have abandoned their duties as caretakers of our constitution and our country, I actually wrote more than one letter to some.

In other words, the water is a little muddy. I still have to work out the math and the complete collection for the upcoming book.

That said, with today's letter to Jimmy "the Weasel" Risch, we are tantalizingly close to the end.



Senator James Risch
SR-483 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Jim Risch,

I know you.

I recognize you from the Senate Intelligence Hearings, an oxymoron, to say the least.

I can't believe it has taken me this long to get to you. You see, I'm now at the tail end of my list of Republican Senators, to whom I've been handwriting letters. I still have Kramer, Young, Hawley, and those other worthless schmucks no one has ever heard of. 

But I could pick your weaselly face out of any crowd. 

And you, you are a man of some import.

If ever there was a Republican Senator who towed the GOP company line with glee and aplomb it would be you. I'll bet you have walk-on privileges at any number of Trump golf courses.

"You need a tee time, Senator? Let me bump these losers off the tee box and get a cart for you right away. Would you like some Trump-branded golf balls™ and a Trump-branded escort girl™ to accompany you on your round today?"

Hell Jim, they should name a whole suite or wing after you at Maralago. Frankly, your mastery of the microphone in service of the president's agenda has been nothing less than sterling. 

And no one is quicker to come to his defense. 

When diplomats, geopolitical professionals and even precocious 5 year olds with a rudimentary understanding of the continents, questioned Captain Fuckknuckle's approach to Russia and North Korea, you stood strong. You even broke with the Chair of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, Bob "Corky" Corker and brushed aside his dismay and alarm.

"Well, look, everybody speaks differently. Certainly, I wouldn't say it the same way the president would, and nobody would else would say it exactly the same way either. But...even the president's enemies and his critics acknowledge that he has been tougher than anybody else. So you've got to look at what a person does and not pay nearly as much attention to the rhetoric."

Damn, Senator, that is the Waldorf Astoria of word salads. You sir, have turned obeisance into a fine art.

I think it's fair to say that the Governor of Idaho (home of America's finest Nazis) made the right decision when you were hand picked to replace Senator Larry Craig --he of airport bathroom stall fame. 

Larry Craig made a name for himself by spreading his legs real wide and greeting fellow jet travellers with their own personal "arrival gate."

In essence you perform the same deferential service for Precedent Shitgibbon. 

Only you do it with your pants on. 


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

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