Thursday, November 1, 2018

Pat the Asshat

Sometimes current events dictate the direction of my Thursday Thrashing letters.

This week for instance we're reaching out to Senator Pat Toomey, the Junior Senator from Pennsylvania.

Maybe you heard his forceful, heartfelt rebuke of the President for engaging in hate speech and fueling the fires of antisemitism...oh wait, no you didn't.



Senator Pat Toomey
248 Russell Senate Building
Washington, D.C. 20510

Dear Senator Toomey,

Happy Day After Halloween.

Hope your holiday was filled with pumpkin pie and little chocolate candies. Though I suspect, in light of the coldblooded mass murder of 11 Jews, inside a temple no less, your Halloween was filled with ghouls, ghosts and many visits to the bathroom to wash the blood off your hands.

Oh yeah, Senator, there can be no doubt you are an unindicted co-conspirator in this latest bloody pogrom.

I'm currently in the smack dab middle of my yearlong letter writing campaign to each of the Republican US Senators. I don't think I've ever been so eager to unload on one of you soulless, worthless, pasty white face motherfuckers.

You see Pat, you watched this hateful tragedy unfold and then had the temerity to remain silent. 

Sure, there were the empty tweets about "thoughts and prayers" and "standing in unity with our Jewish brothers and sisters" -- you know the boilerplate Hallmark crap -- but not a peep, not a goddamn word about the Soros fear-mongering, the caravan conflation, the good and noble work of the HIAS or the tribal scapegoating spearheaded by your Commander in Chief, Precedent Shitgibbon.


I would imagine your conscience is bothering you. But then I took a look at your online bio and came to the conclusion that you don't have one.

I suppose I should tip my hat to you.

You had all the makings of a moderately successful Assistant Manager at a Pathmark. I mean if they were handing out trophies for Mediocrity you'd be standing next to a shoulder-high, gold plated beauty that would require its own particleboard cabinet. They would have retired your blue polyester vest and immortalized your name at the Pathmark Headquarters in nearby Iselin, New Jersey.

But no sir, you leveraged your marginal intellectual abilities, your khaki-pants blandness, your toothy grin, and your Allegheny-sized forehead into a position of power.

Moreover, unlike Senators Flake or Sasse who lamely attempt to exhibit some moral backbone, you've wisely decided to choose the better-paved path of rubberstamping each and every despicable act of Captain Fuckknuckle.  

Senator, you've elevated sycophancy to a high art.

It takes a special kind of man to carefully align his political positions in perfect lockstep with an erratic, ill-informed, narcissistic, constitutionally-ignorant, bloated, swag-bellied hedgepig, but you were more than up to the task.

You managed to knock millions of people off healthcare. Give more than a trillion dollars to the super wealthy instead of rebuilding our nation's infrastructure. Stood up against gay people who had the audacity to demand equal rights. And took enough NRA money to earn membership in their Golden Crosshairs Club. 

And as far as this latest what if 11 old Jews had to bite the dust, right? "Blood and Soil", isn't that the new catchphrase of the GOP?

I don't know you Senator, I only know what I read in the Pulitzer Prize winning Washington Post and NY Times, but you strike me as someone who likes to be recognized for breaking new ground in non-achievement.  

I noticed you were an Eagle Scout. And even though I have no power invested in me, I'd like to bestow these three new merit badges that you can proudly add to your sash:



Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

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