Thursday, November 8, 2018

Our newest skainsmate

A recount has been called for, but since the Republicans hold all the cards and they're not ashamed to deal from the bottom of the deck, this Einstein will be our newest senator.

From one flew over the cuckoo's nest to the Russell Hart Senate Building.



Senator Rick Scott
716 Senate Hart Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator Scott,


Or shall I say Congratulations and welcome. 

Because you have not only won a seat in the US Senate you've earned a spot in my upcoming book -- tentatively titled Mr. Siegel Writes to Washington

You see I've made it my goal to hand write letters to all the US Republican Senators, none of whom are distinct and all of whom strike me as white privileged douchewaffles.

And now you're one of them. 

To be more specific, you are letter #32.

But don't let that low number fool you. I have plenty of fire and brimstone in me. And so rest assured, you, a newcomer to this 'esteemed' club, will receive the same colorful, pungent and humiliating dressing down as some of your more luminous colleagues like soulless Mitch McConnell or spineless Jeff Flake.

Believe me, it's not hard to build up a head of steam in your case, particularly considering your clay-brained, unchin-snouted approach to gun legislation.

Following the tragic shooting in Parkland, Florida (where you were governor) that saw teenagers mass murdered on their way to Math or English class, you mosied on up to the NRA donation trough and begged for more money by endorsing Precedent Shitgibbon's call for armed teachers.

In other words, Ricky, the solution to our nation's gun problem is more guns.

What kind of twisted backwards logic is that?

When Russian Politburo officials did a post-mortem on the catastrophe at Chernobyl, did they turn to each other and say, "You know what would fix the core meltdown at this poorly designed and poorly engineered nuclear plant? More nuclear plants."

And when Nazi Party Members took inventory of the Hindenburg, I'm pretty sure those smart Germans didn't turn to each other and say, "You know what our Zeppelins need? Candelabras."

I mean, Jesus Fucking Christ, what is it with you bald-pated horn beasts?

I can only surmise that while other babies were being breast fed you were being raised on a steady diet of turpentine and DDT.

Or, that instead of cleaning your ears out with a Q-tip you opted for the needle nose pliers.

Or, that while some students were preparing for their college SATs, you were still trying to navigate the opening questions on the MCA, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment. (number 3 is the camel, Rick)

I don't know where this dain bramage comes from.

I only know that now that you're in the US Senate, you're gonna fit right in.

Welcome home, Rick.

Best regards,

Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

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