Thursday, September 20, 2018

Asshole #27

We are past the halfway point. Not quite the homestretch, but the finish line will soon be in sight.

Today, we're addressing Thom Tillis, the junior Senator from North Carolina and member of the sham Senate Judiciary Committee.

He's every bit as revolting as he looks.



Senator Thom Tillis
185 Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Senator,

I write letters.

I write lots of letters.

About six months ago, I decided to write a letter to each and every one of the United States Republican Senators. 

You are number 26. Or 27. To be frank, I kind of lost track. There are so many of you pasty old white men and you seem to replicate like some alien life form possessed of inferior intelligence and lacking all sense of integrity.

To be even franker with you, I would have preferred to write a letter to Senator Cruz, because Ted has been in the news quite a bit this. You don't mind me calling him Ted, do you? It's a bit colloquial but it's also a lot easier than writing out bloviating, swag-bellied hedge pig.

Earlier this week, Ted, desperately fighting off an opponent who is clearly smarter, likeable and human, suggested that if he lost the election Texas would go ahead and ban BBQ. This is pure nonsense. As roasting strips of animal flesh over an open fire is as endemic to Texans as grabbing pussy is to Republicans.

But dropping the meat in the dirt once this week wasn't enough for Teddy (again, a lot easier than writing lumpish, sheep-biting malt worm.) He also made the mistake of suggesting that the nation had rushed to judgment with regards to the Dallas cop who entered the wrong apartment and shot an African American man dead.

For Christ's sake, the man was in his apartment, probably watching Sports Center and chewing on a week old Slim Jim and Johnny Po-Po comes bursting through the door. Fire, Ready, Aim.

Maybe Theodore (fewer letters than Twatwaffle) should spend less time watching porn and more time boning up on the law. 

Clearly, he's no Senator Thom Tillis. 

When word got out that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh had racked up a whopping $200,000 in unpaid credit card debt -- because he enjoyed going to baseball games -- you put your foot down and said the judge has "some esplainin' to do."

When Senator Durbin provided documentation of Judge Kavanaugh's contradictory testimony regarding past involvement with waterboarding and other extreme interrogation methods, you rose up with mighty indignation rarely seen in the Dirksen Senate Building.

And when Professor Ford came forth and described in shocking detail how Brett Kavanaugh, a nominee to sit on the highest court in the land and shape our culture for the next 30-40 years, had attacked her and attempted to rape her, you made a beeline for the nearest microphone and camera...

"This will not stand. This brave young woman has raised serious concerns. She has courageously come from behind the shadows and told us her harrowing story. Moreover, she has taken and passed a polygraph test. We have a duty to conduct a full scale FBI investigation. And, in the interest of serving our constituents, the American people, we must leave no stone unturned and put Judge Kavanaugh to the same rigorous standards and place him on the polygraph machine."

Oh wait; you didn't do any of that.

Turns out you're more like Senator Cruz than I had assumed. Just another frothy, beef-witted, barnacle-encrusted whey-face.


Rich Siegel
Culver City,CA 90232

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