Thursday, March 15, 2018

Your garden variety idiot Senator

Today's edition of the Thursday Thrashing takes us to Colorado and junior Senator Cory Gardner.

Perhaps because of yesterday's official announcement that a House seat has flipped in favor of Democrat Connor Lamb and because the Stormy Daniels affair has the potential to reveal criminal violation of Federal Election laws, the tenor of today's letter is not quite as volatile as it has been in the past.

My wife says, if I ever want to get return correspondence from these pasty white assnuggets I ought to turn it down.

I hate that she's right all the time.


Senator Cory Gardner
B40B Dirksen Senate Office Building
WashingtonDC 20510

Dear Senator Gardner,

Today, I find myself in the unusual position of heaping a little praise on a Republican Senator. For the past two months that has not been the case.

You see, I have started a Thursday Thrashing series for readers of my blog I invite you to scan through the past two months and witness the abuse I have rained down on your colleagues, including Flake, Corker, McConnell and that tin-foil hat-wearing Ron Johnson.

But last week, you did what few US Senators dared to do. You stood up to administration's draconian attitudes towards pot and told our perjuring little Attorney General to chillax and roll himself a phat one.

Good on you Cory.

But before you go running down the hallway and start waving this letter in Senator Corker's face, "Hey, that bald Jew from California thinks I'm a winner", let's do a little chilling of our own.

Because it's my understanding that when presented with a reasonable gun control bill that included the NICS Fix (National Instant Criminal Background Check System), you parked your fat Colorado ass in front of it, like a bloated steer napping on a railroad track.

I don't know what I find more repulsive.

Your objection to instituting universal background checks for gun ownership and thus preventing loonies, convicted murderers and terrorists on the No Fly list from obtaining weapons of massive flesh destruction.

Or, the fact that your hesitance stems from some arcane, twisted reading of the US Constitution. "Oh (insert fake alligator tears) we have to be very careful not to trample the inalienable rights of law abiding citizens."

Fuck You, Cory.

I'm a law abiding citizen and I don't want to have to look over my shoulder every time I step into a school, a mall or Dodger Stadium, where the visitor parking is a clear violation of my inalienable rights.

Since when did we get so high and mighty about looking into people's background before we allow them to make a major purchase?

Last week, I bought myself a pre-owned car at an Audi dealership in Ontario. Since they were offering attractive rates, I did the financing through their office. The process took me more than two hours.

And it included some very rigorous investigation. Before handing me the keys, they wanted to know:

* My social security number

* My income

* My mortgage payments

* My favorite cut of beef (rib eye)

* My preferred news sources (NY Times and MSNBC)

* My inseam (an embarrassing 31, thus accounting for my beer barrel appearance)

And guess what? I gladly provided all the info. And did so without whipping out my pocket Constitution or checking to see if my Habeus Corpus had been unlawfully trampled upon.

Because I wanted the car.
And because I had nothing to hide.

Isn't that the same logic used by law and order Republicans who push the stop-and-frisk procedure?  If I were the cynical Doubting Thomas type, I'd say there's a little hypocrisy going on here, Cory. I might even suggest it has something to do with the color of one's skin.

Normally, I end these letters with a barrage of insults and a volcano like eruption of anger. But I'm gonna let you off easy today. Because my daughter goes the University of Colorado. And because I'm still enjoying the afterglow of my new car purchase.

BTW, for handing over all my info and for being so cooperative, the dealership threw in free floor mats and coupons for 10 free car washes. 

Maybe the gun folks could consider something similar.


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA 90232

No comments: