Monday, March 26, 2018

Kill Bill, Volume Three

The University of Washington is on the quarter system. Meaning every ten weeks or so, for the past four years, I have been receiving outrageous bills via the bursar's incredibly convenient blood collection website.

Did I say blood, I meant money.

At least that's the way it works for out of state residents.

I'm convinced in-staters, residents of Seattle, Tacoma or Bellevue, enjoy a much more humane, common sense, even genteel approach.

"Hey we're fleecing those Californians for everything they've got, but if you'd like to make a small donation to the University, we'd be much obliged. A ten, a twenty or a hundred dollar bill would be great. Thanks. Namaste."

All that is finally coming to an end.

I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel and it was not an oncoming train. Last week I made my final tuition payment for my oldest daughter.

I was hoping that once I hit the send button on that final five figure payment it would trigger some algorithm and small fireworks would grace my computer screen. Or that balloons and streamers would fall across the monitor. Or that some robotic chat lady would pop up in the corner, thank me for my patronage and assure me...

"You may now stop eating top ramen, rationing your use of of Toilet Paper and resume your regular life."

But the occasion was marked with no fanfare.

That hardly seems right considering over the past four years I've personally paid for the shiny gold helmets worn by the Husky football team.

I've paid for the expensive topiaries that grace the campus grounds, not to mention the bi-annual trimming of the cherry blossom trees.

And I've paid for those fancy Dyson hand dryers in the restrooms at the Student Center, because we wouldn't want our students to get chafed hands with regular paper towels.

Perhaps it's best not to look backwards, but to look forward.

Because at this time next year I will be doing a very similar post. That's when I make the final payment on my youngest daughter's equally outrageous out of state tuition at the University of Colorado

Then I'm done.

At that point, it will be up to my daughters to complete their post graduate work on their own as they seek out a nice rich Jewish man and go about getting their Mrs. degree.


george tannenbaum said...

Ah, Rich, my youngest is entering Scripps in July to get her Master's.
And yes, I'm paying.

It's the least I can do.
For all my daughters teach me.

Anonymous said...

Say what you want, but those Dyson hand dryers are amazing!