Thursday, March 29, 2018

Go Blue Sue

Letter #11 in our Thursday Thrashing Series.

Today, we are reaching out to Senator Susan Collins from the great state of Maine. Ms. Collins is one of three Republican women in the Senate, a pitiful number which I hope to see increase. If you ask me, or even if you don't, I'd say we need many, many more women in powerful positions.

If for no other reason than the men have done such a shitty job.

So, with no further ado, let's get to Sue.


Senator Susan Collins
413 Dirksen Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Dear Susan,

You have my sympathy.

And believe me I don't say that to every Republican United States Senator. In fact, since I started my Thursday Thrashing Series, wherein I write a personal letter to each senator -- it's now Week #11 -- I haven't said that to any.

But I sense you're different. After all, you did vote NO on the bill to kill ObamaCare and showed a momentary flash of common sense and patriotism not known to your current colleagues.

Of course, that was short-lived, like that time Precedent Shitgibbon strung together a complete sentence. Because when the Tax Scam Bill came around, you know the one that gives tax breaks to our wealthiest oligarchs and adds 1.4 trillion dollars to our national debt, you lined up at the trough like a fat guy at an all you can eat ice cream sundae bar.

But your YES vote was more noteworthy than others. Because in exchange for your soul, Mitchy McConnell (Week #4) promised an insurance stabilization bill that would help your Maine constituents.

You can pin that insurance stabilization bill up on the Wall that will never get built. By Mexicans who will never pay for it.

In the words of Malcolm X (he's a black guy, you've probably never seen or heard of him),

"You got hoodwinked. You've been bamboozled. Old Turtlehead had you for breakfast."

For the record, Mitch didn't say that last part, but you get the idea. 

So after this public humiliation, where does that leave you Susie?

Mitch made you his bitch.
And Captain Fuckknuckle, aka David Dennison, will forever be giving you the side-eye.
Which makes you a woman without a country.

But it doesn't have to be that way.

There's a Blue Wave coming Suz. We saw it in Alabama. And most recently in Pennsylvania. And that wave will only magnify in intensity as we sort through the sordid details of our president's dilly-dallying with Stormy Daniels, star of many blue movies including:

Secrets of the Velvet Ring

Pussy Sweat

Porking With Pride 2.

Besides, why would you want to be associated, even marginally, with the party that is synonymous with racism, misogyny, corruption, federal election tampering and oh, here's the latest one, hatefully victimizing teens who were already victims of a mass shooting?

The writing is on the wall. The iceberg is straight ahead. And the timing couldn't be better.

The way to get out, is to get in with the Democrats.

Welcome aboard, Suzie.


Rich Siegel
Culver City, CA

PS. My wife and I love the Maine Cabin Masters on the DIY Network. Can you get us a lead on a cozy lakeside cabin?

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