On Bloodsucking

Last week I did a voice over recording session with Sam Trammell. Before I showed up at the studio I had never met Sam Trammell and had no idea who he was. I only knew that the agency liked the tone of his voice and that he was allegedly very easy to work with.

And he was.

It was only after the recording session did I come to understand that Sam was one of the stars of HBO's hit series True Blood. That would not have changed things one bit. I'm not all that impressed by actors, particularly when I'm intimately aware of all the hard work done by writers.

Which do you think is more difficult, reading a page of gripping dialogue or writing a page of gripping dialogue? I rest my case.

I don't watch a lot of television in the first place, so it's not that surprising that I didn't recognize Sam. Even if I did watch TV, there's a good chance True Blood would not make it onto my DVR playlist. I'm just not a vampire kind of guy.

I read the original Dracula by Bram Stoker. And when I say read, I mean I listened to the audio book while commuting to my job in Irvine, CA. It was quite enjoyable. Once. I don't need to read it again. Or indulge in any of the thousands of variations on bloodsucking, immortality or 18th century forbidden romance.

Frankly I don't understand the fascination with vampires. And walk in the other direction the minute my teenage daughters mention Twilight.

Years ago, my world and the underworld had another close encounter. I was brought in by an agency to write a promo campaign for The Vampire Diaries. As you've probably guessed I was completely unfamiliar with the show. Consequently I had to immerse myself into this pretentious crap and familiarize myself with America's newest heartthrob Ian Somethingorother.

I like to think I came up with some interesting ideas, but ultimately I lost out to a younger team of two women.

Their campaign was splashed all across the country.

The obvious play on words still leaves me shaking my head. I don't want VD, why would I go out of my way to catch it?

I don't like to turn away business and pride myself on the ability to write on any number of topics. But I also take great stock in my honesty.

So, if you're an ad agency or an agency resource manager and you have a gig that requires some writing about vampires, you probably don't want to put it in the hands of this fat, bald married guy in his late 30's.