Dropping the kids off at the pool

(reprinted from 4/20/09)


Not so recently, I was hired to come up with a new campaign for a huge Health Insurance Company. During the briefing, the Creative Director and I exchanged some small talk. He told me about a little pet project he had going on the side.

I won’t divulge the details, suffice to say that he was looking for new euphemisms. Pithy phrases, either in the present or past tense, that could replace the always-popular  “I have to go cut some Lincoln Logs.”  Or, “I just dropped the kids off at the pool.”

Seizing the opportunity, and looking for a good reason not to write about health care insurance, I set my nose to the grindstone:

“I have to go un-eat lunch.”

“There’s been a prison break at the South Gate.”

“I have to remove to a tree stump.”

“I’m self-administering a route canal.”

“Launching a lifeboat off the S.S. Assitania.”

“Stepping up to the loadium.”

“I have an exit interview with Mr. Brown.”

“I have to go fertilize the Pacific.”

“I just dumped all my shares of Hometown Buffet.”