USA...USA...USA

Right now, my oldest daughter is studying abroad in Kenya. Her partnership with the NGO ends in two weeks, then she'll be off to Tanzania and some other African countries I will need to actively research.

A little more than a month ago, my other daughter was in Greece and in Israel, compliments of her Birthright Program.

This has put me in a global state of mind.

Particularly today when it seems so many Americans are not. In fact, if you've spent anytime arguing with some of the provincial cretins on the Trump social media websites (as I have) you'd know many of these paint chip-eating dolts have never been beyond the boundaries of their front yard.

Hometown pride is fine, but uninformed jingoistic nationalism is a brain eating disease. The same disease that Precedent Shitgibbon rode to get into the White House and allowed him to live there on a part time basis, you know when he's not playing golf.

Anyway, this got me thinking. With regards to the Birthright Program, wherein any kid aged 18-26 with proven Hebraic lineage can hop on a plane and experience a 10 day all expense paid trip to the land of his or her ancestors.

It's a pretty remarkable phenomena. And I have yet to meet one kid who has not returned, moved by the entire experience. And more importantly, more knowledgable, more empathetic and better versed in the ways of some other corner of the world.

I think we could all use a little more of that.

After all what's good for the Jews is good for the gander.

So, instead of building a $70 billion dollar wall between the US and Mexico, a wall that can be breached by an extension ladder purchased at the Tijuana Desposito de Casa, why not invest that money into something more useful? A Birthright Program for everybody.

Particularly since we are all in a nation of immigrants.

Irish kids can go back to Dublin. They can shear sheep on a farm. Eat the same potato soup as their ancestors. They can visit the same pub houses favored by their grandfathers and great uncles. Get wicked drunk. Get in a brawl. And discover an untapped left hand hook that could lead to a promising career in prizefighting.

Pakistani kids can make the journey to Islamabad. Where they can eat goat and neverending bowls of cous-cous. Here, they will gain a life-changing lesson in appreciation for their American way of life.

"Pray 5 times a day? Hell I don't even play X-Box five times a day."

And Polish kids can return to the land of their ancestors. Arriving at the airport in Kiev, only to discover they've landed in Ukraine.

Alright, stupid stereotypical jokes aside, the point is the world does not end at the very easternmost shore of Maine nor the most barren island of the Aleutians. The world is complex. We can all use a better understanding of how the pieces fit together.

And that does not come from shouting "USA, USA." Nor wrapping one's self up in American flag sweaters, tank tops and beer cozies. Which only benefits the manufacturer of that cheap red, white and blue swag.

Who, ironically, lives in a McMansion on the outskirts of Shanghai.

In the Holy Land.

It's Wednesday where we are.
It's Wednesday Night, possibly into Thursday, where my daughter Abby is.

Two days ago, she set off on her Birthright program. By the way, I hate that name, as it implies some kind of genetic privilege, which should be an anathema to any Jew.

Nevertheless, I do understand the intent of the program.

For those who don't know, Birthright provides a free trip to Israel to any kid 17-26, who can show Jewish lineage. Even partial lineage. The purpose is to expose, enlighten and preserve.

My daughter is a Bat Mitzvah and has had plenty of exposure to her religion. She also graduated from a Catholic High School, so she is well versed in other religions as well.

Enlighten? Well, having been raised by a cranky militant atheist father, me, and an on-the-fence agnostic, my wife, there's not much room for enlightenment. As the other campers on the tour will soon discover, my daughter is quite the Nihilist. A funny one, at that.

Preservation is a whole other thing. Some of you less-informed readers might be thinking...

"Jesus Christ, what is with you Jews and your obsession with self-preservation?"

Allow me to elaborate.

That obsession has been earned. Forged in the fire of slavery, de-Judaization, the Spanish Inquisition, the Diaspora, pogroms and less than a hundred years ago, a mass genocide at the hands of people who swore to kill every Jew on Earth. And unless you haven't been to a movie theater in the last 30 years, you'd know they did a pretty good job.

By 1945, they had murdered 1 out of every 3 Jews on the planet.

If you had a family of six it would now be a family of four. Two of your loved ones would have been butchered, raped and slaughtered simply because they believed in a God, the same god who figuratively gave birth to Jesus and/or Allah.

Also, and you'd never know this paging through the credits on a TV sitcom or if you were looking for a lawyer or a good dentist or if you were scanning the list of Nobel Prize winners, but there are only 15 million Jews on the planet today; living, breathing and sending the cold soup back to the kitchen.

In short, every Jew counts.

I'm going to climb down off this soapbox, now.

But before I do, what's with the divider separating the men from the women at the Wailing Wall (see picture above)?

It's hard to maintain the thin veneer of moral superiority when my own tribe is participating in this patriarchal bullshit.

God damn, you religious people are stupid.

A different platform

I hear ideas.

I'm not talking about the occasional flashes of marketing brilliance that will catapult my client Harry's House of Catheters into the stratosphere, I'm talking about real world ideas.

Maybe you've heard them too?

Free healthcare for all!

Oh great, after I've spent the better part of my 44 year old lifetime shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars for insurance I never used, now some clown wants to make it free?

I probably shouldn't be saying this as it I might be tempting the gods, but I've never spent an entire night in a hospital. Ok, there was that one time my wife was giving birth. But typical of my luck, she got the bed (and the epidural) and I had to sleep on a slippery reclining faux leather chair that didn't fully recline.

What about free college for all!

That seems to be the soup de jour. Of course it raises its seductive head only weeks after I make the final tuition payment on my youngest daughter's expensive out of state college edumecation.

I swear the day after they lower me into the ground or spread my abundant ashes in the Upper Grey's Meadow campground, doctors will announce a new prostate cancer test that will eliminate the need for a 'momentary exploration of my Lincoln Tunnel.'

It wouldn't be right of me to be spending so much time complaining about the state of the world without offering up some ideas of my own. They may not be the most unique ideas, I'm looking at you biodegradable straws, but what they lack in originality they make up for in pragmatism.

SERVICE -- I don't want to wade into Israeli politics, but you have to admit when it comes to national spirit these guys know what they're doing. Every Israeli kid, the minute they turn 18, has to serve in the military. We should steal a page from their playbook.

I'm not suggesting we re-instate the draft. I'm saying every 18 year old kid has to give back to the country that has given them so much. They can be in the Forestry Service, the Coast Guard, or even the local sanitation department. Not only will this free labor go a long way to easing some of our national problems it will smack that entitled smirk off so many millennial/Gen Z faces.

TRAVEL -- Another thing the Israelis do right is engender the notion of pride. With the Birthright program my daughters both hopped on a plane and spent a collective month in Israel and its neighboring countries. They will both tell you it was an eye opening experience.

American kids, particularly the ones sporting the red golf caps, are insolent in their self imposed isolation. They don't know how the world works, nor it seems are they interested.

"Murica, Fuck Yeah" 

We could put a dent in this willful ignorance. What if countries like Ireland, Germany, Italy, Ethiopia, China, India, Norway, etc., all offered their own version of a Birthright program.

Moreover, what if they partnered with Ancestry.com and showed every 18 year old kid reaching for a tiki torch or a white hood, that before there was America First, there was first your grandparents and great grandparents washing their clothes on rocks and struggling to make ends meet in countries you can't even spell.

And finally...

DOGS -- I love dogs. I love my dog. Your dog, maybe not so much. Particularly if it insists on barking all the goddamn time.

If there's one thing this world needs -- and I know because I have tried every device known to man -- it's an effective repellent that can be operated with a single push of a button or even an app on my iPhone that will make a loudmouth, barking dog who doesn't understand that people are sleeping off 1/2 bottle of Knob Creek bourbon at 6 in the morning, to shut the fuck UP!!!

Stay Clear of Old Hateful

As I write this on July 15th, 2025, the current farce de jour is MAGA world's disappointment on the Epstein Files cover up. They were foaming at the mouth with the prospect of owning several major high profile libs, but were told, "There's nothing to see here folks, move along."

They have been lied to for years, but didn't care. But this violation of their trust has them fuming.

So much so that they've paid little attention to the fact that Trump was completely bamboozled by Vladimir Putin. Or the fact that thousands of people were dying in Ukraine, but at least "they're not Americans."

But the real story here is the real stories that are seemingly not here anymore.

Because while we're talking about Epstein Island and who was schtupping (raping) underage women, we're not talking about the 27 children who passed away in the Texas Floods because of GOP malfeasance.

And when we were talking about Republican bloody hands we were no longer discussing the botched Iran bombing. 

When we were talking about the Middle East fiasco we weren't talking about the illegal and immoral ICE raids.

When we were talking about our own domestic Gaspacho Police, we weren't talking about his stupid $45 million military parade.

When we were talking about his sad birthday party, we were no longer talking about Alligator Alcatraz.

When we were talking about unchecked American bloodlust, we were no longer talking about the abolishing of the 14th Amendment.

When we were talking about losing birthright citizenship (including my own tentative status) we were no longer talking about Pete Hegseth and his incompetent command.

When we were talking about our alcoholic and leaky Secretary of Defense Kegsbreath, we were no longer talking about Secretary of Health RFK Jr. wading in sewage filled waters.

When we were talking about about Trump's brain deficient cabinet of losers and cosplayers, we weren't talking about the President of the United States doubting whether he had to uphold the US Constitution, the same Constitution he took an oath to defend while being sworn into office.

If my brain were at full capacity and I hadn't taken an edible to lower my blood pressure, this list could go on and on and on. I see it. You see it. Red Hats don't see it. I doubt they ever will.

Let's check back a week from now. I guarantee we will not be talking about Epstein and the nation's zeitgeist will again be hijacked by some new jawdropping demonstration of his monstrous UnAmerican narcissism.

GUARANTEE!

Go Back to Africa

Two days ago this country took a small step towards addressing systemic racism. One would only hope it's the first of many. And to see how far we must go, I would personally suggest a mandatory viewing of HBO's excellent miniseries Exterminate All The Brutes.

Apropos of all this, I came across an ad campaign, from Canada, that I had not heard of. 

It's an incredibly simple campaign that employs an elegant ju-jitsu move, my favorite, on people who espouse hate, my least favorite people.

And rather than explain it, I'm going to post the case-study video that does the job so eloquently.

If my embedding code doesn't work, you can click here.

I love this idea for so many reasons, including my affinity for this amazingly huge continent which is unmatched for natural beauty.

Africa is after all, at least to those who understand evolution, the Motherland for all of us. 

It's also where my people served as slaves for 400 years and gave birth to the original liberation story as well as exquisitely delicious Passover Seder food like charoseth, bitter herbs, and matzo.

My daughter spent 5 months living in Kenya on her study abroad program. And later went on to visit Tanzania, Ethiopia and the Seychelles. You'd think after spending all that money, she'd be able to answer every Jeopardy question regarding Africa, but she can't.

And my first book, Tuesdays With Mantu, My Adventures with a Nigerian Con Artist, originated from Africa's second most populous country and home to thousands of wealthy Nigerian princes.

But, perhaps selfishly, the reason I love this campaign the most is because it is tangential to an idea I brought up years ago, on this very blog. You can see it here.

I believe in the palliative value of travel. And to that end, I believe this country ought to start a Birthright program for all African American kids.

Furthermore, and I know my right wing friends will disagree, it should be funded with US taxpayer money.

And it should start now.