"The Brown Bear has Escaped from the South Gate"

In the close to 17 years I have been writing, maybe 'posting' is a better word because one would be hard-pressed to find any legitimate "writing" on these digital pages, I have only established 1 tradition.

Oh there have been series: Thursday Photo Funnies, Illuminati reverse scamming, my ill-fated Drunken Haiku, People Who Need to Die, Four Days of Taco Hell, Adventures in Russian Online dating, my equally obnoxious correspondence with Asian mail order brides, Trump Takedowns, and so much more.

But never a legitimate tradition.

That is until I stumbled upon this holiday favorite -- The Caganer.

Since discovering this weird and wonderful Christmas tradition that puts a smile on residents of Catalan in northern Spain, I have committed one December post to this pooping phenomena every year. I'm sure Carl Jung or Dr. Freud would have something to say about that. 

But my blog, my log.

For those who are new to this, way back in 2012, I was freelancing and hired to do a Christmas Sales Event for Acura automobiles. Lexus had already tied up the red bow on a car schtick, so I was looking for something different. Something that would step over that very low creative bar.

So I rolled up my sleeves, put on my visor, and started sniffing around the internet. You can imagine my delight when I unearthed the legend of The Caganer, who makes an annual (word chosen intentionally) appearance wherever there is a display of the Nativity scene. 

The elders explain, "the Caganer (pooper) is usually a man, or woman, of no standing. And so he stands outside the manger. He proceeds to cop a squat, as it were, at the birthing scene of our Lord and Saviour, to fertilize the land and bring about a bountiful harvest for the coming spring."

You may think I made this up but, pardon the phrase, I shit you not. And I have the receipts.

A Caganer shop in Barcelona.

A 25 foot high Caganer at a local Spanish mall.

And of course a Donald Trump Caganer, 

though it's my understanding he doesn't need 

to pull down his pants and simply evacuates himself into a diaper.

Or a microphone.

The Trump Caganer is only about 5 inches tall. If it were larger and more visible I'd be tempted to whip out the checkbook. OK, my Venmo app.

You see, I have a neighbor two doors down who also has a tradition. In addition to flying his American flag on a pole that would be better suited for a post office or the Pentagon, he puts out a mammoth
Christmas display, including a 6 foot high faux Bible and a lifesize Nativity Scene.

Under the dark of night I could place the Trump Caganer among the other figurines and nobody would notice. Unless he has a Ring Camera, like so many of us do, in which case, I might get a knock on my door from Johnny Law.

"Sir, we'd like to speak to you about your neighbor's Nativity Scene. Do you have a 14 year old son or grandson?"