Long Live the Queen

This morning while you are having your non-fat soy latte, half calf/half decaf and maybe a breakfast burrito prepared by a young man or woman who may or may not, but probably not, be a member of MS 13, I will be deeply ensconced in the process of planning my escape from the Fourth Reich.

Let me back up and remind the casual R17 reader that I have begun the lengthy journey of establishing dual citizenship. 

For those who may be deceived by my distinctly Hebraic sounding name, I am not seeking an Israeli passport. Though my limited understanding is that I can easily obtain one, given my aqualine nose, my circumcised manhood and my eager willingness to eat creamed herring and chopped liver.

When the new Diaspora zigs, I plan on zagging.

Turns out I can get British citizenship by way of my mother, who was born in Glasgow, Scotland. In fact, according to one Mr. Google, my permanent standing with the Queen and United Kingdom was sealed, possibly under the Magna Carta. 

To that end I only to provide a copy of my Mother's birth certificate, my birth certificate which shows she is indeed my mother and a valid US passport. All of which I now have in hand. And I have been instructed by the British Consulate to bring everything for verification and an appointment with the Biometrics specialists.

It all sounds so official. And it should, seeing as they have nicked me for processing fees, double verification, and all manner of governmental bureaucracy that one might expect with such an official endeavor.

When all the boxes were ticked I was told to visit their Application Support Center. Ooooh, we're getting closer. Actually very close. Their office is on South La Brea, just eleven minutes away from my front doorstep. Or 4.3 miles as the unladend swallow flies.

I googled their address and expected to see a small office building. Surrounded by tall hedges. And maybe even guarded by purple velvet ropes and some bespoke Beefeaters, stoicly standing guard against all who haveth no business with the Queen. 

Instead, if you look at the picture above -- provided by Google Maps -- the place is in a strip mall. Next to a California Steak & Fries and a Walgreens. 

I wanted Pomp & Circumstance. 

I got Spicy Buffalo Chicken Sandwich & Metamucil.