Dogs are great, people are Hell

I don't own a dog. I have a dog. 

I know that's a difference without distinction but word choice still matters. At least to me. Frankly, I'm not sure what matters to other people these days. 

There seems to be less and less consensus or agreed upon principles that constitute our social contract.

Since I have a dog, Lucy, named after her ginger-hued hair, I also have responsibility. Primarily to Lucy. I feed her the same food she was fed at the Shop and Adopt Shelter where we got her 7 years ago. She was very skittish and had a nervous stomach, so I thought it best to stick with the brand she liked. And made her healthy.

I give Lucy water. Sometimes when I forget or am caught up in my 4-5 daily workouts, she will plop herself down next to the empty water bowl. Not subtle but an effective way of saying, "Put some damn H-Two-O in the bowl."

And I walk her. A lot. So much so that my late afternoon 3.5 mile jaunts are starting to wear her out and require multiple slow-down-old-man stops. Just as well, since my right hip, the original one not the titanium gizmo on the left side, is due for a rotation and balance.

In short, I take care of Lucy. Because I love her. And because in a figurative way, she takes care of me.

I wish I could say the same for my neighbors. 

I won't go into too many details about my ongoing battle of nerves with my next door neighbor, suffice to say that even after reluctantly, but politely, asking her to refrain from letting her dog out at 2 or 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning, she does. 

And he wastes no times barking at the possums. Or rats. And consequently awakens me from a deep REM sleep, which undoubtedly included a randy dream about Charlize Theron.

Did I mention I asked politely? Which is not always easy for me. Particularly knowing she's a Trumpster. And even more so, because despite the forced smile and sheen of neighborliness, she promptly and flagrantly ignored my call for common courtesy.

And so I did what many do in situations like this. I hauled my ass over to NextDoor. And solicited some advice.

I don't know where these people come from but it most certainly isn't Planet Earth.

Suzie Sunshine (not her real name): I had a neighbor do something terribly loud and disruptive daily in the wee hours of the morning. Pleading with her several times didn't help, so I placed a bouquet of flowers with a thank-you-card on her doorstep, explaining that I need my beauty sleep. It worked! You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Best of luck, and let us know how that turned out, would you?

Oh wait it gets better.

Saccharin Sharon (also not her real name): her dog needs to go out in the middle of the night and barks incessantly, keeping you awake. take her dog out at 11 with yours so it does not have to go out in the middle of the night and bark incessantly. Treat her with kindness rather than with spite.

And finally.

Cloying Chloe (possibly her real name): I like Sharon's idea. However you might try asking her if she would like to walk WITH you.. who knows maybe she will think of you as a frieND instead of that guy next door..it's worth a try.

All of these well-intentioned suggestions are so off-brand for me. My response was decidedly on brand...

Neighhorhood Curmudgeon: Maybe I should go over and offer to do her dishes too? I don't need new friends, especially proven inconsiderate right wingnuts, I just need some damn peace and quiet.