The RoundSeventeen Radio RoundUp Minute

Sometimes, many times, I just hate Apple. 

I'll tread lightly here as my daughter works for them. Sort of. And to be fair I have a menagerie of their products, including a Mac, a laptop, an iWatch, Airpods, a dozen or so iPods laying around the house, and more. Plus, thanks to their skyrocketing value I've doubled, tripled and quadrupled what money I did sink into their stock. OK, I gave back a little yesterday.

In other words, my hate is tempered. It's more of a beef. And it has to do with iTunes. I miss it. 

Via the purchase of new music, the ripping of all my old CD's and the pirating of songs from the Chiat Day public broadcasting in the 2000 oughts, I had amassed quite a library full of music. And not just Classic Rock one would expect from an old geezer like me. 

I had old timey jazz. Original blues from deep in the heart of Mississippi/Alabama/Louisiana, the Jew Hate Belt. 

I even had some classical music, to go to sleep by. 

Then, with the advent of the iCloud and streaming, it all disappeared. Oh you can tell me how to find all those mp3's by logging into this, downloading that and searching such and such. But I'd have better luck finding a photo of myself when I had hair and could slip into a 32 inch waist pair of dungarees.

As a result, I now find myself listening to music via Spotify or Pandora. Not the subscription-based versions, but the free ones. After all, I have no problem tolerating the occasional radio spot in order to listen to unlimited music any time I choose.

Only, it turns out I do. Because the radio spots I hear on Spotify and Pandora SUCK.

If I may borrow a colloquialism from my old boss and Advertising Hall of Famer, David Lubars (he'd hate that I mentioned his name), these radios spot "suck so bad they also blow."

Or something to that effect.

If you happen to go about your non-purchasing of music the way I do, you know what I'm talking about.

"Hand me that intercom-thingy" says the newly informed shopper at the cashier, adding, "Tide Pods clean 87% better than blah, blah, blah."

It's played so often, Ms. Muse can do a pitch perfect imitation of the over exuberant buyer. BTW, over exuberance seems to be the currency of the realm. 

"Can you read that with more smile?"

"More smile?"

"Keep smiling, I'll tell you when it's too much."

It's not just Tide. It's the entire roster of Spotify/Pandora sponsors who put so little effort into the writing/production/creation of these aural ear maggots, you'd think they believe they can beat potential customers into a purchase by sheer bludgeoning.

How bad are the radio spots? Dead Air, a radio station's worst nightmare, would be better.

Could I, or anyone from the Golden Age of Advertising, do better? At the risk of sounding immodest, I'd bet the equity in my house we could. Sadly, because of my atrocious record keeping and the slew of poorly executed data transfers from one Apple Computer to the next, I can't lay my hands on the hundreds of radio spots I did.

But apparently, I've written about the demise of this one great medium before and found a spot I did create, with the help of the great April Winchell. This was back in the 1990's, during the Internet boom when clients would let you get away with just about everything. And with considerably less smile.

I invite you to enjoy. Or not: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCFhfnyTPDk