Thanks, but no thanks

I live all by myself. In a house that has 4 bedrooms, 2 of which have been turned into storage rooms. 

The only sounds I hear are the barking of my dysfunctional neighbor's dog and the endless hammering and nailing of another neighbor who is putting up an ADU. 

There are days when I have not spoken to another human being and only opened my mouth in order to stuff it with an adequate daily supply of salmon and bourbon.

I'm not complaining. Simply giving you some context (my lack of human contact) for my proclivity to clap back at scammers on social media ("I hate to interrupt you and please excuse my manners, but you seem fascinating, can you kindly send me a friend request?") 

And to follow up on job leads I have zero interest in (see yesterday's post).

Zero.

Lately, I've been getting a slew of offers from complete strangers on LinkedIn. Offers to the effect of, "Want to increase your cold calling success rate. And double, maybe triple, your revenue as a freelance copywriter?"

What? And spoil my life as an MOSL -- A Man of Semi Leisure?

Besides 2 X 0 = 0.

And 3 X 0 = 0.

Also, and I hope the first kid -- followed by a couple more -- who sent me this odd inquiry will take no offense, but I don't need any help in the Cold Calling area. 

I wrote crappy PayPal emails for two years and know a little something about pestering people.

I also wrote 56 letters to GOP Senators and though I only got one response from Senator Tom Cotton, I was able to turn the endeavor in to a book. Still available on Amazon.  

I had running correspondence with Willy Ruiz, the Director of Club Membership at Mara Lago who tried to bilk me for $50,000.

And finally, though not finally finally, I have strung along more Illuminati scammers than I or any readers of R17 care to count.

In short, I know how to provoke a response. Additionally, I believe the need for Cold Calling assistance to any and all copywriters is non-existent. It is a self evident. Or at least it should be.

If you're a copywriter, aspiring or retiring, and you can't pen a good opening, either in the form of an email, a phone call, or a handwritten letter, you might want to rethink your choices and look into the lucrative field of HVAC repair.

That's all I'm saying.