The Curious Case of Richard Wong (Part 2)

 

Faithful readers of Roundseventeen, all 8 of you, know I have been contacted by Sir Richard Wong, a Hong Kong flim flammer who has promised to deposit 20 million dollars in gold bullion in my account. Actually, it's 35 million but he gets a cut.

It is an inheritance from Adrian Siegel, apparently a long lost relative, emphasis on lost.

I had always thought that unlike most Jews, my family had NO money. Clearly I was wrong. You can read the opening salvo here.

Mr. Wong wasted no time responding, no doubt because he believes he has a sucker on the hook. I love that he writes in a very longwinded fashion as it allows me to reply in kind. 

I invite you to enjoy:

Dear Rich,

It is imperative that you read this carefully as the success of my proposal depends on your understanding of your role in this endeavor. It is my prerogative to ensure that you understand what is at stake and to ensure success. Please do not take this lightly as the decision to do this has not come to me lightly. This proposal has been spurred by my bank's decision, but my justification is irrelevant.

ADRIAN F. SIEGEL, as you will recall, was an old customer who died in December, 2013. Your role would be to file a claim as the only remaining member of his family. I am in a position to provide information to facilitate your approval as the next of kin to him and the transfer of his assets in my bank to you but I can do this only with your consent. I am willing to guide you through the process to achieve this at no risk of failure. As I mentioned in my first mail, you are on a list of persons considered most likely to be related to the deceased.

My proposal: In my direction, you would initiate contact with a Law firm in Hong Kong as his relative. They would file an application for grant at the probate court to claim the estates as the next of-kin to the descendant. Subject to verification, authentication, validation and the approval of your claim by the probate court, HSBC will transfer the assets to your account. Some parts of the process of authentication fall within my purview in my department, so authentication is assured and that automatically guarantees the validation of your identity.

It will be 10years in December since the deposit account has been dormant, at which time the assets(estate) would revert to the government if no family member files a claim. Anyone named on the bank's list as a probable relative is eligible to stand as the next of kin if they applied with the appropriate information and documents. Therefore, with your assistance, the estate need not revert to the government.

My role would be to provide the requisite information to the solicitor to aid your application. Some of these may require your endorsement of course, including agreement documents to ensure that you abide by our agreement to transfer my part to my given account.

Upon validation and approval, the assets would be liquidated and the proceeds remitted to your account from where you would transfer my agreed share(40 percent) to my account. All I need is your consent to begin proceedings. This is guaranteed to be a success.

I await further instructions from you.

Regards,

Richard Wong

Consent? Hell yes, you have my consent.

Dear Mr. Wong,

Yes, I completely understand the complicated nature of this transaction, ipso facto, I’d like to come to concurrence on the terms I have set forth in my previous correspondence. I am to receive 60% of the proceeds and you, though not a descendant of my great, great uncle Adrian will receive a very generous 40%, or $14 million. 

That’s quite a windfall even after you deduct the various costs for paper, ink cartridges, those clippy binder things that can snap off a finger, etc. As well as shipping and overnight messaging which I will insist on when the times comes so that we may expedite this whole transaction.

I will begin setting up an offshore bank account in the Caribbean, in lovely Antigua, where there is ample music and ample rum punch, but nary a sight of IRS tax collectors. I would insist my proceeds be shipped there.

Also, I'm hoping we can complete this affair without a flight to Hong Kong. My neighbor told me it’s 14 hours long. And the turbulence over the Pacific can be very bad. Hence I would require excessive dosage of Ambien which incurs vivid horrific dreams of being stuck at my desk at Chiat/Day with a gun to my head to come up with some fakakta campaign. 

And really bad drymouth upon awakening.

With that, I give you my ad collingenda bona. And eagerly await your response.

Best,

Brent (Richard) Siegel

Stay tuned for Part 3, which will published tomorrow.